Edition 9, Issue 31 - 2018
LIFE
IN THIS ISSUE Shalom The Journey of Grief Healthy Brain Self-Care and much more
WELCOME.... The LIFE publication is produced quarterly. Our desire is to bring you stories and articles that will encourage, inspire and perhaps even challenge you as you journey through life. Life is a journey with many twists and turns, valleys and mountains, laughter and sorrows. It is not always how we start that matters, rather how we choose to live everyday with the options and choices that are before us. Today, choose to live and love your life!
Table of Contents Edition 9, Issue 31 - 2018 ......................................................................................... 1
Grateful Reflection ............................................................................................2 Shalom...............................................................................................................3 Making it Through .............................................................................................3 The Journey of Grief..........................................................................................4 Waiting for God .................................................................................................9 Healthy Brain .................................................................................................. 10 Self-Care: A Matter of Value ............................................................................ 12 Predictability ................................................................................................... 13 Movement ........................................................................................................ 15
Grateful Reflection
block. Don’t get me wrong, I often have new health-based challenges to face, along with other things. In fact, I spent the first part of this year dealing with a few more added health challenges. The specialist ten years ago was right; my life hasn’t been the same. I have more drive and desire to chase my dreams and to live with purpose.
Candy Daniels It’s been ten years. It’s hard to believe where the journey of life has taken me because of the choices I made with the options that were set before me. Ten years seems like a very long time; on other occasions the time has gone by so quickly. I would say that for most of my adult life I have been a person with a sense of self-awareness. So, when I started to feel unusually tired and wanted to chill more than run around with activities, something didn’t feel right. But tired is normal for a mum of two little, active kids. After all, chilling time is important when you spend most of your time running around being a wife, a mum, a dreamer and all the rest that goes with it. But what most would consider normal was not my normal.
One of the biggest things my health challenges have taught me is to value caring for myself. It took time for me to realise how to prioritise my values and time, focusing on the things that really matter. Creating time to rest was, and still is, one of the things that has helped this student learn one of life’s greatest lessons; before we can truly care for others we must care for ourselves. The best health care we can find is self-care. Rest is not just about sleep, but being psychologically at peace, spiritually enriched, physically aware of our capacity and capabilities, while being with those we love and who love us. We are not to be comparing or competing with others; we are to be the best version of ourselves.
I have shared parts of my health journey from time to time with our readers. You are in for another instalment, simply because I am celebrating being where I am after ten years of health challenges. I used to think I had all the time in the world. Those who know me know that I love to dream, but more importantly like to turn the dreams into reality and live them. I can assure you that being diagnosed with a chronic illness was never part of any of my wildest dreams. I went from being tired to being exhausted. Then to having random pain to not being able to feel my legs. It wasn’t fast, but rather a slow progression; it took 18 months before I got diagnosed. Oh, I did have many varied diagnoses over those 18 months, only to be cleared of them after intensive tests and surgeries.
Having self-awareness has greatly assisted me to know when something is not working in my system the way it should. I have learned to slow down, to revisit my values and priorities regularly and to be grateful. That starts with not focusing on the clock but on the time that is set before us. I encourage you to become self-aware. Take a step back and evaluate things. Pay attention to details such as how well you are sleeping, if you feel rested, if your diet is healthy, how much exercise or movement you incorporate into your day, what you are spending or investing your time in, and what you do that is fun. Make sure you name at least three things you are grateful for each day before your day ends.
When I was given my diagnosis, I was told that life would never be the same again. Ten years on, life is not the same, yet I am living life to my fullest. Instead of focusing on my health challenges, I focused on my passions and the dreams I had. Over the years I have come to realise that my health challenges have become my springboard rather than my stumbling LIFE Edition 9, Issue 31
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Shalom
The concept of sin as culpable shalom-breaking is an idea that for me makes sense considering God’s plan for creation and humanity. Sin is viewed as the interruption of the peace and restoration of creation, relationships, and our interconnectedness to God. Conversely, being God’s ‘shaloming’ people and communities, creates an embodied partnership. We act as co-workers with the loving God of shalom to help establish a world where reconciliation, peace, loving relationships, harmony, flourishing and wholeness is present — all done with justice, compassion (mercy) and humility.
Trudy Buchanan A few years ago, I had to write a personal creed for a theology class. It was during this time of reconstructing my faith following some challenging life experiences, that I did some research around the concept of shalom. Shalom, I believe, can be a way of living and being that provides a path to fulfil God’s call and mission in our lives. It encapsulates what it means to be a Christian and live as a Christian community practicing the ways of God. Shalom is often understood to mean peace— i.e. the absence of conflict— but this is really only a small aspect of the idea. Most Hebrew words go beyond the simplicity of a single definition and convey feeling, intent and emotion; shalom is one of these. According to Strong's concordance, the various meanings of shalom include: completeness, wholeness, health, peace, welfare, safety, soundness, tranquility, prosperity, perfectness, fullness, rest, harmony, as well as the absence of agitation or discord.
Making it Through Melody Durand Life was good! As she interacted with people, Emma radiated with confidence and assurance. She was in good spirits. Life in the now was not a struggle or difficult. Life seemed to be going well for her.
Shalom is the interconnectedness of God, people, and all of creation in pursuing and embodying justice, and experiencing fulfillment and delight — leading to universal flourishing and wholeness.
Life was different eight years ago. An unfaithful husband, divorce, loss of a home. Everything that was normal dissolved into thin air, in a matter of days. She was deep in despair, grieving the loss of her life as she knew it. An air of sadness hung over her, no smiles, no laughter, no confidence, and no assurance. Life was a daily struggle dealing with this significant loss and experiencing a lot of pain.
While God is the ultimate source of shalom, we are the ones that are to make/practice shalom — acting justly and loving mercy, as we walk humbly with our God (Micah 6:8). In Matthew 5:9, the peacemakers will be called children of God. Because of this intimate connection between God and us as DNA carriers of our heavenly Father, our vocations are tied to God’s, bringing shalom back to His world! This requires us to work alongside God to cultivate shalom, to be image bearers of God that re-present and re-presence his character and life by bringing reconciliation and redemption to all creation. LIFE Edition 9, Issue 31
Life is supposed to be filled with winning and winners. We all want to be winners, we want success. We want to be in control of our lives. That simple four-letter word ‘loss’, is one of our common companions throughout life. Nobody likes to lose. We neglect to teach how to handle the losses in life and therefore, we have this unrealistic expectation that loss is a failure. Losing hurts. Small or large, it does 2018
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not matter - it is painful. Loss is a silent presence; we shy away from talking about it, to guard the fallacy that we are successful. We have all experienced loss in our lives already. Unaware, dismissive or unacknowledged, it has happened. Some losses happen in a day or others last for years. How we respond to them or what we let loss do to us will affect the rest of our lives. With every loss comes the potential for reflection, change, growth, understanding, knowledge, and insight for the future. We fail to see that far ahead when we are grieving.
Acceptance - We can never replace what has been lost, but we can make new connections, new meaningful relationships, new interdependencies. Instead of denying our feelings, we listen to our needs; we move, we change, we grow, we evolve. We may start to reach out to others and become involved in their lives. We invest in our friendships and in our relationship with ourselves. We begin to live again, but we cannot do so until we have given grief its time.
Not everyone goes through all of the stages in a prescribed order. Just remember your grief is as unique as you are.
Is there a loss in your life that you have never grieved over? Below is a summary of the grief and loss stages by David Kessler, one of the world’s foremost experts on healing and loss: •
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The Journey of Grief Donna Hunter “He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away” Revelation 21:4.
Denial - It helps us to survive the loss. In this stage, the world becomes meaningless and overwhelming. Life makes no sense. We are in a state of shock and denial. We go numb.
In the beginning when grief is new and raw, it can be overwhelmingly painful. Grief has a purpose; it keeps you moving forward and, as painful as the process is, it must be experienced.
Anger – It is a necessary stage of the healing process. Be willing to feel your anger, even though it may seem endless. The more you truly feel it, the more it will begin to dissipate and the more you will heal.
Surrender to it and experience the full impact of your loss:
Bargaining - The ‘if onlys’ cause us to find fault in ourselves and what we ‘think’ we could have done differently. We will do anything not to feel the pain of this loss. We remain in the past, trying to negotiate our way out of the hurt.
Loss of someone or something you love or treasure. Loss of a future together and the roles you both played within your relationship.
Depression – It is important to understand that this depression is not a sign of mental illness. It is the appropriate response to a great loss. We withdraw from life, left in a fog of intense sadness, wondering, perhaps, if there is any point in going on alone. Why go on at all?
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Loss of social gatherings, special occasions (birthdays, Christmases) together. Loss of laughter, loss of tears together. Loss of the joy of making new memories together. 2018
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Loss of the security that relationship held for you.
Creative expression; it will help the healing process.
Loss of a partner, a friend, a parent, a child, a pet, a home.
Books and movies; only when you’re ready.
Be gentle on yourself, and patient; it takes time to heal the pain of grief.
“I acknowledge the privilege of being alive in a human body at this moment, endowed with senses, memories, emotions, thoughts, and the space of mind in its wisdom aspect” Alex Grey
Physical
Be selfish; it is your grief, and you can experience it your own way. Everyone is different.
Take care of your body; grief puts a huge strain on your body and lowers your immunity.
Take care of your body; it needs you to, you will need it later.
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Cling to HOPE; life will go on and instead of telling yourself ‘it will be alright’ (because it probably won’t feel like it will), instead tell yourself ‘I will survive’ (because you can).
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Trust your grief; it is your best friend right now, stick with it.
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Don’t deny your feelings; they help in moving the grieving process forward.
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Talk about your grief to supportive people around you who will listen and listen and listen.
Emotional “Grief is neither a problem to be solved nor a problem to be overcome. It is a sacred expression of love… a sacred sorrow.” Dr. Gerald May, M.D.
Seek professional help if you feel you need some extra support.
There are many feelings associated with grief: • • • • •
Look for the little gifts in life; they are there. We are the sum of many parts - physical, emotional, intellectual, spiritual, and social. “To the man who only has a hammer, everything he encounters begins to look like a nail” Abraham Maslow.
Shock…Denial Sadness…Guilt Anger…Bargaining Depression…Loneliness Reflection…Acceptance…HOPE
They are all important and useful in helping to process what you have experienced.
All areas of your life are affected by loss and all areas need looking after. Allow yourself to be comforted; support is so important right now. Personal priorities are important; don’t neglect them.
It is normal to feel any of these at any given time. Give yourself permission to feel. Allow your grief to move as quickly or slowly as you need it to.
Remember and prepare for important dates; they are hard times to get through.
If you get stuck in the negative emotions and you feel paralysed, get help.
Laugh and cry; they are both ok. It is alright to take time out from your grief sometimes. LIFE Edition 9, Issue 31
Rest and sleep; if your body is deprived, your mind suffers. Afternoon naps are ok sometimes. Learn a relaxation technique (progress muscle relaxation, meditation, grounding) Exercise; when you exercise you are releasing stress and tension. Diet; eat frequent small nourishing meals and snacks to keep you going. Vitamins (anti-stress formulas) Enjoy nice long hot bubble/oil baths to help you relax before bed.
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Treasure memories; they are a legacy and help your grieving process.
‘Letting go and letting God’ is a sign of strength, not weakness.
Cling to hope; there will come a time when you will have joy again.
Social “Interdependence is and ought to be as much the ideal of man as self-sufficiency. Man is a social being.” Mahatma Gandhi
Your life will be changed forever and the void left by the death of that person will remain. But you will learn how to live with that in a meaningful way.
The single most important factor in healing from a grievous loss is the support of other people.
Later on down the track, you may get bogged down with stress; be aware of it.
It is important that you make known your pain to those with whom you feel safe.
Allow yourself to cry; it’s a natural stress release.
Tell your story, your pain, your loss, your memories; storytelling is the beginning of healing.
It’s ok to laugh too; it is not disrespectful or inappropriate. Laughter can help you to cope and survive.
Don’t try to protect your family from your pain; it is important to validate how you feel.
“There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than a thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition and of unspeakable love” Washington Irving
Let others help care for you, especially if you are normally a strong, self-sufficient person.
Spiritual
When you can, take time to support others who are grieving, especially if there are children.
Caring people are important, but there will be times you will want to be alone and that’s ok too.
“You were born a child of light’s wonderful secret— you return to the beauty you have always been” Aberjhani
Helping others helps you; let them express their pain too.
It is ok to question or be angry at God after a death; it is normal.
Recognize that people grieve differently and that’s ok.
Let your doubt surface and work through the spiritual crisis as the grieving progresses.
Don’t feel guilty if people feel uncomfortable about your grief; they have their own journey.
Life has many unknowable answers, but after life there is death, and without death there is no life; this is the reality of life.
Don’t isolate yourself; it is harder when you have to face grieving on your own.
Grief may strengthen faith, and that is a good thing.
Give yourself a break from your grief occasionally:
Faith gives support through the toughest times.
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Prayer and meditation can create a soothing, restful oasis during the heavy days.
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If you are part of a faith group, stay connected and allow yourself to be supported. LIFE Edition 9, Issue 31
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Go out to dinner or a movie. Go on a family trip for a weekend, somewhere beautiful and relaxing. Go to the beach and build sandcastles. Plant a garden and weed it regularly. Page 6
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Go for a walk in the park and notice the beauty of nature around you. Go kayaking, canoeing or sailing.
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Look after your marriage; grief will either bind lovers together or tear them apart.
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Make an effort to treat your marriage with kindness and respect. • • • • • •
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Communicate and talk about what has happened and how you both are feeling. Let each other know when having a good or bad day, or when you need time out. Be patient and generous with each other. Don’t expect too much from each other; men and women process grief differently. Women talk more easily to others and cry and talk more about their emotions. Men tend to bottle up. They may cry alone; don’t misunderstand this for not caring.
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Every day, set aside a short time to acknowledge your loss: • • •
Intimacy and caring can provide a scared healing bond that will draw two people together, through thick and thin.
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“Most people have come to prefer certain life experiences and deny or reject others, unaware of the value of the hidden things that may come wrapped in plain and even ugly paper. In avoiding all pain and seeking comfort at all costs, we may be left without intimacy or compassion; in rejecting change and risk we often cheat ourselves of the quest; in denying our suffering we may never know our strength or our greatness.” Rachel Naomi Remen
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Alcohol and Drugs “Grief is a medicine” William Cowper
“If you want to end your suffering enter your pain” Robert Augustus Masters
Be aware of unhealthy patterns.
Treat yourself gently and be patient with yourself.
Alcohol is a depressant and suppresses the grieving process.
Try enjoying the good days and don’t feel guilty for doing so; you’re allowed to.
Not a good time to quit smoking; it will induce more stress.
Treat and reward yourself with something you really enjoy; you are worth it.
Antidepressants and sleeping pills confound the grieving process and can become addictive.
Massage, manicure, a new hair style.
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Let your feelings surface and be honest about how painful it is. Let the tears come if they will. Hold onto comfort items, a grief pillow or a photo. Write from your heart into your private ‘grief journal’. Ground yourself and continue your day. Carry a photo and an inspirational poem, quote or letter and read in tough times. Carry a keepsake, a small item that belonged to your loved one, and touch it when you need to; it can help you to feel connected to them. Avoid making major decisions that would impact your life (job change, moving house, etc.) for at least a year, as this will increase stress.
Keep as much continuity and familiarity about you as possible as you process your grief.
Personal Priorities
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Treat yourself to a movie or a live performance. Buy some sweet-smelling perfume/cologne or a new outfit. Take a long, hot bubbly bath with candles and the lights off. Set up a rug under a tree with a pillow, take a nap, read a book or listen to music. Indulge in your favourite food, but don’t overeat your way through your grief. Take some short periods of time alone, if that is what you need.
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There are other ways, such as herbal teas, aroma oils or seeing a naturopath.
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Feeling depressed is a normal part of the grieving process; work with it.
Plant living memorials like a garden or a tree. •
Special Dates “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted” Matthew 5:4
Make a special seat to enjoy quiet moments on.
Choose Happiness “Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning” Psalm 30:5 (ESV)
Christmas, anniversaries, birthdays, etc. These special days are notorious for re-acting symptoms of grief. Don’t ignore the coming event; it is best to meet the painful challenge head-on.
There will come a time later in your bereavement where you will realize you have some control over your emotions and your happiness.
It is best to prepare yourself for it. Plan something special and talk it over with others who may be affected by it too (e.g., family).
The helplessness of your circumstances will gradually fade into the owning of your feelings and the responsibility of moving on to find a new place for your loved one in your life.
Do something symbolic like a memorial, poetry reading, lighting a candle. Special days stir up painful emotions so go easy on yourself and others around you.
Finding meaning in the realization that life is in a constant state of change and we too will one day face our own death, but choosing to live life now.
Creative Expressions "Let us be grateful to people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom" Marcel Proust
Extra Resources “Books and movies, they are not mere entertainment. They sustain me and help me cope with my real life” Arlaina Tibensky
Rituals. • Periodically burn a candle in remembrance of the deceased. • Arrange flowers at the gravesite.
Books. • Only when you are ready. • Tear Soup – Pat Schweibert • A Grief Observed – C.S Lewis • I wasn’t Really Ready to Say Goodbye: Surviving, Coping & Healing after a Sudden Death of a Loved One – Brook Noel & Pamela. D. Bair • Healing after Loss: Daily Meditations for Working Through Grief – Martha Whitmore Hickman • Safe Passage: Words to Help the Grieving and Let Go – Molly Fumia • When Bad Things Happen to Good People – Rabbi Harold Kushner • Living When a Loved One has Died – Early Grollman • To Begin Again – Rabbi Naomi Levy
Writing. • Journaling feelings and thoughts. • Poetry as an expression. • A letter to your loved one. Music and poetry. Explore, listen and read that which is uplifting and inspirational. Art. • Drawing. • Scrapbook celebrating your loved one’s life and your lives together. • Memory box; include photo, special memories and little treasures, etc. LIFE Edition 9, Issue 31
Painting/sculpture; release tension and create something new.
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Waiting for God
How to Go on Living When Someone you Love Dies – Therese Rando Seasons of Solace: A Story of Healing Through Photos and Poems – Jenelle Shentz Hertzler For survivors of suicide. After Suicide – John. H. Hewitt No Time to Say Goodbye: Surviving the Suicide of a Loved One – Carla Fine For bereaved parents. When the Bough Breaks: Forever After a Son or Daughter – Judith. R. Bernstein The Bereaved Parent – Harriett. S. Schiff For bereaved children. Beginnings and Endings with Lifetimes in Between – Bryan Mellonie & Robert Ingpen 25 Things To Do When Grandpa Passes Away, Mom and Dad Get Divorced, or the Dog Dies – Laurie A. Kanyer, MA
Anonymous What is my passion? What is it that God is calling me to? In Christian circles we are often encouraged to pursue God’s plan for our lives in order to live a full life for God. For some people this idea is really simple. They know exactly where they are going. They are very self-aware and know what their God-given talents are and go about using them. God seems to speak very clearly to them. For others of us, all these words of a purpose-driven life are just not happening. What if the BIGGEST plan God has for our life is to build our relationship with Him? What if the gift He has given us is to simply be who He made us to be in the very place that we find ourselves? What if His plan for us is to simply be with Him every day, go to work, keep the house, play sport, have friends and not even think of what our purpose for life is?
Movies. • When you are heading towards healing within your grief. • Not if you are newly bereaved and emotionally fragile. • Only when you are stronger and able to handle some heavy-duty introspection • P.S. I love You • Tuesdays with Morrie • The Ultimate Gift • Truly Madly Deeply • Through the Shadow Lands • The Five People You Meet in Heaven
Recently a friend said to me that being comfortable with myself IS the first place to start if you want to be comfortable with others. The same goes for most relationships; if we don’t like who we are, then it is difficult to like others for who they are. We see in ourselves the things we don’t like and we see in others things we don’t like. If we act negatively then we see negatively. If we don’t believe we are loved by God then it makes it hard to love others and discover a God-given purpose. Let’s face it, why would God waste His time on someone who He doesn’t think is worth His time? This is effectively what negative people are saying: “I don’t value myself so why would God? I’m not able to ‘do things for the Kingdom’ like others so that’s why I can’t find my purpose. God has abandoned me.”
"Life is an opportunity, benefit from it. Life is beauty, admire it. Life is bliss, taste it. Life is a dream, realize it. Life is a challenge, meet it. Life is a duty, complete it. Life is a game, play it. Life is a promise, fulfil it. Life is sorrow, embrace it. Life is a song, sing it. Life is a struggle, accept it. Life is a tragedy, confront it.
Personally, I find hanging out with God lots of fun. I find He has a great sense of humour and loves to see me enjoying myself. I don’t think He likes it when I feel overwhelmed or stressed. He definitely doesn’t like it if I’m too busy to speak with Him and He loves to listen to all my chit
Life is an adventure, dare it. Life is luck, make it. Life is too precious, do not destroy it. Life is life, fight for it" - Mother Teresa LIFE Edition 9, Issue 31
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Healthy Brain
chat. You see, I think God loves to hang out with me too. When I’m walking around the shops I talk to Him about His other children. Sometimes people will look up from the floor and look at me and I will smile because I know that God likes hanging out with them too. I enjoy spending time with my family, listening and chatting, hanging out and enjoying each other’s company. Showing them they are important enough to take time with because I know God values spending time with them too.
Jodie Chambers There has been an increase in research around Western eating habits and how they may contribute to some of the world’s most common health issues. Recently I attended a workshop called Planting SEEDS for a Healthy Brain presented by John Arden, PhD. The workshop was presented with many scientific studies on the microbes of the stomach and how it may contribute to mental health issues. I will spare you most of the scientific research - all of which is widely available on the internet - and spend some time discussing how we can improve our brain health by using the acronym SEEDS.
I like to go to Australian Rules Football games and cheer on my favourite team. I talk with other supporters, stand in line and thank the security people and ticket people. I laugh at how crowded together we all are and wonder about their lives and even at times ask God if they know Him. I admire the skills of the players who are able to move themselves so athletically and talk to God about how awesome He has made our bodies.
Firstly, I will give you a little background on Arden’s research. He spoke mostly about proinflammatory and inflammatory cytokines and the autoimmune diseases related to inflammatory conditions. He also spoke on how depression often correlated with these diseases. He states that “fat cells leak out toxins that go to the brain causing inflammation, clouding thinking, and increasing depression.” Increases in depression and anxiety increase the pro-inflammatory cytokines in the body contributing to autoimmune diseases. And the cycle continues. Arden suggests that “when you are overwhelmed with anxiety or depression it is best to shift from the big picture to the small, and do something that approaches a goal in an incremental manner.” Hence, he discusses the acronym SEEDS and how this can help relieve some of the stress in our minds and bodies.
Sometimes I like to be on my own and not talk and I know God will sit with me in my quiet because He likes to see me resting and recharging. Sometimes I get angry with things that are happening and I tell God of this because I know He likes to comfort me and help me work through my frustrations. Sometimes I feel unable to face the world and life just feels too hard. God loves it when I rely on Him to get me through the day. He usually has something special for me on those days although I can be too upset to see it and I know He understands that I can fail to see Him. So, what is my passion and what is my calling? My passion is to be in a constant relationship with God. To include Him in my day. To hang out with Him and have coffee and meals and go to the football with Him. To ask Him questions.
SEEDS stands for Social, Exercise, Education, Diet, Sleep. Historically, in mental health we have looked at the social, exercise and sleep with a little on education, and almost nothing on diet. As I said, there is a lot of science that Arden speaks about so I will break down the SEEDS categories and unpack them a little and hopefully explain some of Arden’s theories.
My purpose is to listen. Listen to Him tell me about His children, His creation and me. I feel Gods BIGGEST plan for me is to feel His comfortableness in being with me. What if God’s BIGGEST plan for you is to feel comfortable with Him? LIFE Edition 9, Issue 31
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Social interactions create feelings of bonding, attachment and belonging, adding to happy hormones being released into the blood system. Or, more scientifically, it increases new neurons that create positive pathways of pleasure in the brain releasing oxytocin and “turns down cortisol” (Arden) in the brain. High levels of cortisol in the system correlates with depression and anxiety. What is also interesting is that the part of our brain that is used in facialreading and the act of smiling is the same system that is affected in depressed and anxious people. Therefore, smiling and having someone smile at you increases positive chemicals in the brain and decreases symptoms of depression and anxiety. Ringing a friend, connecting with your family members, meeting new people, getting out of the house and perhaps even joining a club can all contribute to feeling good. Oh, and smile! The saying “laugher is good medicine” is true. The more you practice laughing, the more likely you will feel good and feel like laughing.
gual, professional musicians, jugglers and London cab drivers have increased grey matter and their memory is good. Training your brain to focus on a challenging activity creates new pathways in your brain and helps strengthen the area of the brain that recalls positive events as well as increases resilience. Essentially, training your brain to think about the things you want to think about. Focus and effort create experience. Practice promotes effortlessness, meaning that we become more determined to focus and put more effort in, releasing the brain from thoughts of depression or anxiety. Reading that challenges you or creates curiosity, doing puzzles or learning something new all work towards feeling better. Diet. This is where a new line of study has been focused and where the science gets quite confusing. Please take some time to look into this for yourself - it will encourage Education. Diet looks at inflammation in the body and how this relates to health issues. The level of inflammation in the body correlates to the levels of depression and anxiety along with autoimmune diseases such as arthritis, fibromyalgia and diabetes. Arden says that “eating a lot of simple carbohydrates, especially sugar, causes your brain to struggle to think clearly, feel calm in the face of anxiety and lift out of depression. Fried foods are destructive to your brain and damage your ability to think clearly and regulate your emotions.” The chemicals that the body uses to fight infection and reduce inflammation can be overactive in the body of a person who has an unhealthy diet, causing an over-production of pro-inflammatory cytokines. This is seen to correlate with depression, anxiety, arthritis, fibromyalgia and other autoimmune disorders.
Exercise. There is a mountain of research that has found walking or moving in some capacity helps reduce lots of symptoms of depression and anxiety. Walking, housework, getting in the garden, anything that promotes physical health. However, what Arden asserts is that aerobic exercise is needed to change and grow neurons. Aerobic exercise increases neurotransmitters in the brain as well as increasing serotonin, dopamine and norepinephrine; all of which are hormones associated with feeling good about yourself. It also promotes new neurons in the hippocampus. This is one of the parts of the brain strongly affected in people who have depression and anxiety. Studies have shown that mood and cognition are boosted through exercise.
Sleep. Sleep is like a dishwasher for your brain. The brain gets an opportunity to process the things that have happened through the day and clean out all the junk that is not needed. This is quite often what comes through in our dreams, so we need to be getting healthy
Education increases neuroplasticity. What that means is that when you are learning something new, your brain creates new pathways to pleasure in your brain. People who are bilinLIFE Edition 9, Issue 31
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Self-Care: A Matter of Value Kate Reimer
R.E.M. (Rapid Eye Movement) sleep; the deep, restorative sleep of dreaming. A lack of restorative sleep increases pro-inflammatory cytokines and is associated with chronic disease. Again, we have often heard that sleep is important, however Arden says not to get too stressed about not being able to get to sleep and to rethink your sleep time as long periods of restorative rest. If you are doing something in the SEED categories then this will help towards your sleep patterns. Try to go to bed and get up at the same time each day as well as create sleep time routines. Eating food or unhealthy foods late at night can cause your body to wake you up at 3am while it tries to digest last night’s meal. Socialising, exercising, learning new things and eating healthily all contribute to better sleeping patterns.
Both with my clients and in the workshops I facilitate, I talk a lot about self-care. Which is interesting, as self-care does not come naturally to me. It is something I have had to learn and prioritise. What is self-care anyway? Is it the luxury of massages and bubble-baths? While these may occasionally be a lovely way to relax and unwind (for some!), in many people’s situations these activities are completely unrealistic. Selfcare is not a luxury. It is essential to wellbeing. It is doing what brings you life. Just as we are instructed to fasten our oxygen mask on an airplane before we help another, so we must ensure our needs are met so we can be present for others in the long-term, rather than until our oxygen runs out. What constitutes self-care will be different for everybody, as every person is rejuvenated uniquely. In different life seasons, different self-care strategies will need to be employed, appropriate to the present moment.
In summary, we need to start looking at mental, physical, social and spiritual health as one big system that works together to make an allround healthy, happy and highly effective person. Lack in one area of our SEEDS can affect the whole system, although it seems that society is taking a bigger look at our mass-food production and consumption. I’ll leave the closing word to John Arden: “9 out of 10 people [at the end of life] regret what they didn’t do rather than what they did.”
One would think that doing what brings life would be easy to engage with. But so many times, though I know what would be healthy for me and my wellbeing, I just don’t do it. Perhaps you find yourself engaged in a similar battle. I use the term ‘battle’ purposefully, as self-care doesn’t just happen. In theory it sounds simple, but in the midst of chaotic lifestyles and the needs of everybody else clamouring for attention, it must be fought for.
References: Arden, J. B. (2015). Brain2Brain: Enacting client change through the persuasive power of neuroscience. Hoboken, NJ: John Wiley & Sons, Inc. Arden, J. B. (2014). The Brain Bible: A plan to stay vital, productive, and happy for a lifetime. New York, NY: McGraw-Hill Education.
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One of the (many) enemies of self-care is our core beliefs. The beliefs we hold, even subconsciously, about our value. We invest in what we value. If we don’t consider ourselves worthy of care, we are unlikely to be motivated to invest in our wellbeing. Take some time and consider what your subconscious beliefs are about yourself. How does the voice of shame influence your view of yourself? Where did 2018
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this shame originate? What healing needs to take place in order to be able to choose an alternative self-view? How can self-compassion be fostered?
the likelihood of them NOT being that way is almost inconceivable. I can predict that when my alarm goes off in the morning I will roll over and hit the snooze button...several times; or that on my way to work the traffic will be banked up for several kilometres on the freeway. I can also predict that when my friend’s child with ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder) finds themselves in a large, noisy classroom, they will invariably end up in the back corner of the room lining up buttons or blocks on the floor. There is a slight chance that these things will not happen, but it is far more likely that they will, because they are predictable.
Other hindrances to self-care are secondary, sitting on a foundation of faulty perceptions of self. When these perceptions are identified and reconstructed, self-care strategies become lifegiving rather than draining. This is not to say it’s easy, as time constraints, energy, and others’ needs still abound. But the motivation and desire to care for oneself will increase, making it easier to make choices that bring life. What domains of your life need some attention? We all have physical, emotional, psychological, social, and spiritual needs. Identify one of these domains and choose one simple selfcare strategy to nurture wellbeing in this area. For example, a physical self-care strategy may be drinking the appropriate amount of water in a day. Identify your hindrances, keep the strategy simple, and begin to demonstrate your value today.
Now ask yourself, why?
The word ‘predictable’ comes from the root words pre- meaning ‘before’, dict meaning ‘to say’, and able meaning having the skill, power or means to do something. So quite literally, predictable translates as ‘to be able, to say, before’. To say something will happen, before it does happen. But how do I know these things? What makes me so sure that they will occur as I expect them to? The answer is basic science; the systematic study of one’s environment through experimentation and observation. Through interacting with the world around us and the people in our lives, we inevitably create, and often recreate over and over again, the same or similar experiences. When we learn to enjoy certain experiences, we find ways to recreate them. When we dislike them, we find ways to avoid them. By observing and paying attention to those experiences and our responses to them, we develop patterns of behaviour that become repetitious. The same repetitive events and behaviours result in the same outcomes, and thus become predictable.
Like most things in life, being predictable can be seen as either a good thing or a bad thing, sometimes even both. When we say something is predictable, we are usually referring to the idea that we know or expect that particular something will happen. Whether it be in a certain way, or at a specific time, there are things and people in life that are so predictable that
There are many pluses that come with people and things being predictable. Predictability is the friend of efficiency. If something is predictable it creates the expectation that it will always be the same and therefore allows us to plan ahead. When we know what will happen ahead of time, we can prepare, devise options, organise and create a way forward in a timely
Predictability Samantha Brown When someone says “you’re so predictable”, does your first thought come with a positive or negative connotation?
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and unobstructed way. The fact that a certain section of the freeway is repeatedly banked up with traffic on my way to work allows me to plan my route, get off at an earlier exit and take a different road so I’m not late for work. If the teacher of my friend’s child with ASD expects them to have a meltdown or remove themselves from the loud classroom and miss out on work, they can prepare for that. The teacher may prompt the class to keep the noise levels down, or make sure there are buttons and blocks in the back corner of the room to allow the child to self-regulate when they are feeling overwhelmed. There are few, if any, surprises that come with predictability, and even the odd surprise is not all that disruptive because being predictable provides a point of reference for forethought, foresight and planned responses, including the creation of a plan B, and maybe even a plan C.
fight. When something is predictable, it is known, familiar and safe. It is one less thing they need to be worrying about; one less thing that will catch them off guard. When predictability breeds this type of security and a sense of calm it can be a positive thing, but the sameness and consistency of predictability also has inherent problems. Predictability can be a negative, even destructive thing. Although we talk about predictability as ‘knowing’ something, it can also be an obstacle to us knowing more. It can hinder our learning and our emotional and intellectual growth, and it can damage our relationships. People often make the mistake of using predictability as a full stop at the end of a sentence, rather than a semicolon, which indicates that there is more to come. When we predict certain things about situations, especially ones we don’t like, we often avoid even trying new experiences that could help us grow, challenge us to learn adaptive behaviours, or that we might actually like. If we don’t even try, if we stay in the comfort of our predictability, we will never know. Similarly, when we predict things about other people we forget to consider that people can and do change, and we fail to allow them those opportunities for growth.
There is a sense of comfort that comes with predictability. The certainty of knowing what is coming, what is expected and therefore how to respond, is a great benefit to many people. Knowing what is going to happen ahead of time is especially helpful for people with high levels of anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder, and ASD. One of the significant markers for ASD is the presence of restricted and repetitive behaviours. People with ASD struggle with understanding social situations and unspoken social rules. Not knowing what is expected of them can cause intense levels of stress and anxiety. They therefore often use repetitive, stimulating behaviours like spinning, flapping hands or lining things up to help them refocus and shut out the ‘white noise’ that is happening around them. Things that are predictable, repetitive and routine bring soothing and comfort. Similarly, with many forms of anxiety, things that are stable, predictable, knowable, and reliable help bring a sense of peace. Anxiety occurs when areas of the brain are working overtime. In a heightened sense of arousal, on guard against danger and in a constant vigilant state, the brain is preparing them for flight or LIFE Edition 9, Issue 31
In many relationships, romantic or otherwise, we can predict the other person’s behaviour and responses to the point that we think we know everything there is to know. We create predictable patterns of behaviour that yes, create comfort and security, but can also develop stagnation, boredom and a sense of inevitability. Nothing changes; everything stays the same. This can result in people looking elsewhere for something or someone new, exciting and different. How many relationships and friendships do you know have broken down because one or both parties have become tired of the ‘same old story’: “he is always complaining about that” or “I wish we could do something different once in a while”, or “she always talks about the same things, I just don’t 2018
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Movement
like hanging out with her anymore”. If we look at nature and how the seasons change, we see that yes, they are predictable, but only to a point. The seasons occur in the same sequence every year, but that sequence is cyclical; and there is newness, growth, and constant change within that cycle. Without changes and without allowing things to die off or pruning away the dead leaves, there is no space for the new buds. Without new growth, without nourishment and new input the trees and plants wither and die. The same can happen to our relationships, and even to our individual spirit when we allow everything to be predictable and stay the same.
Candy Daniels What is the first thing that comes to your mind when you think of the word movement? What do you picture in your mind’s eye? We live with constant movement; from the breath we breathe, to the blood flow and oxygen saturation in our bodies, to the never-ending activities we undertake. Movement generates and separates. Our posture speaks volumes about how we perceive ourselves. It is not just a physical thing; it is mental, emotional and spiritual as well. So, let’s take a moment to look at how we can be mindful in creating a holistic lifestyle through movement.
Many people don’t like change or surprises, but surprises remind us that we are not, and cannot be, in control of everything; no matter how much we want to be or how hard we try. We may not all paint or be great artists, but we are all creative beings, creating our own life stories every day. When we live the same story over and over, without trying new things, without stepping out of the comfort zones, we restrict our creativity. Even though we may think that what we have is good and safe and comfortable, we rob ourselves of ever knowing something different, perhaps something even better. Experience informs our understanding; it helps us to learn from the past so we can navigate, plan and even ‘predict’ the future. Predictability allows for comfort and security, but it stops us from moving forward. There is no possibility of making things better because predictability doesn’t allow for an alternative. It provides us a false sense of security, by assuming there is nothing left to say after the full stop. Stepping out of that space, away from the safety of the predictable, is a healthy reminder of the realities of life. Whilst it can be scary and new, moving away from the constant and predictable can also bring hope and expectation; expectation that there is something else, something more, coming after the semicolon.
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Keep hydrated with water. The good old H2O has many benefits, one of which is keeping our blood oxygenated. When we are hydrated, it is easier for our blood to move the nutrients and discard the waste from our body. Pay attention to where you may be holding tension in your body. Now take a deep breath (holding it for a few seconds - focus on where the tension is). As you release your breath, release the tension you are holding in your body. Consider doing this activity at least twice a day, and as you pause, appreciate that you have life. Ensure you consume adequate fibre in your diet daily. Fibre is essential in creating movement in our bowels. Be creative with your exercise. Think of the song Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes or any other song or sound you may enjoy and move either in slow motion or in a fast pace to keep your muscles active. Make exercise a fun activity. Make a list of fun and creative ways in which you can use physical movement to generate and separate the things that have you stuck. Page 15
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As you can see, there are many ways in which we can invite movement into our lives. Ensuring we are engaged in regular holistic movement keeps us motivated, confident and more self-aware, as well as producing space for self-care.
Our thoughts can either move us from a place of peace or panic rather quickly. Pay attention to how you use your thoughts to move you in your day. It is important that we renew how we think each day. When we get stuck in our thought life, particularly if the thoughts are negative and life sapping, it can cause us to become unwell emotionally and mentally. Ensure you create times for fun in your day. Fun encourages creativity and freedom while keeping you in the present. Just as water and fibre are essential for hydration and bowel movement, what we focus our thought life on can either generate or separate toxins.
If we are not intentional about the movement in our life, we can become beings who are comatose. We may be alive, yet without continual separation and generation taking place, we may miss living. Movement invites and creates growth; take time in this season to review your movements. How can you be purposeful and mindful in enhancing your health and wellbeing through movement?
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“Your life has purpose. Your story is important. Your dreams count. Your voice matters. You were born to make an impact.” Unknown
Prayer generates our spirit. As we not only hand our worries and concerns to God, but as we praise and worship, we separate ourselves from being hopeless and move to a place of hope. Meditation invites us to pause, to reflect on and contemplate the many things that we have to be grateful for in life. Spend time in nature. Let your senses be awakened as you tune to the sounds, sights, fragrances, tastes and touch of things that are natural and unprocessed. Stay true to your values, beliefs and morals. These ground us as we move through the life.
SO Make decisions that invite movement Observe your thought life; it will either keep you prisoner or free you Value
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Movement; it can keep you out of your comfort zones
Stay connected with like-minded people. Stay connected with those who will challenge and inspire you. Stay engaged with those who will hold you accountable. Stay engaged with those who stimulate creativity and fun in the present.
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Expect to be the change you want to see
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