The Gateway Magazine - February 2020 by The Gateway

Purity Test

FEBRUARY 2020

Published since November 21, 1910 Circulation 3,500 ISSN 0845-356X Suite 3-04 8900 114 St. NW University of Alberta Edmonton, Alberta T6G 2J7

Editor-in-Chief Andrew McWhinney

News Editor Adam Lachacz

Managing Editor Christine McManus

Arts & Culture Editor Ashlynn Chand

Art Director Peter Elima

Opinion Editor Payton Ferguson

Photo Editor Helen Zhang

Staff Reporter Khadra Ahmed

Online Editor Advertising ads@gateway.ualberta.ca Tina Tai Website www.gtwy.ca

Director of Finance & Administration Piero Fiorini

Webmaster Hugh Bagan Director of Marketing & Outreach Pia Co

Contributors Michael Abenojar Nana Andoh An Bui Pauline Chan Jillian Connolly Haley Dang Celine Caruso Dixon Jonathan Hocnalon Yuri Marquez Alanna Molzahn Colette Nadon Mark Soriano Jack Stewardson Cover Colette Nadon

Copyright All materials appearing in The Gateway bear copyright of their creator(s) and may not be used without written consent.

Volunteer Want to write, draw, or shoot photos for us? To get involved visit gtwy.ca/volunteer for more information.

GSJS The Gateway is published by the Gateway Student Journalism Society (GSJS), a student-run, autonomous, apolitical not-for-profit organization, operated in accordance with the Societies Act of Alberta.

Printing Printed in Canada at Capital Colour, on FSCâ&#x20AC;° certified uncoated paper.

ILLUSTRATION YURI MARQUEZ, “CREATION”

DEAR READER, It’s official: the season of love is here. Red, pink, and white are dominating store displays, people are fervently searching for soulmates, and best of all, Cinnamon Hearts are back in season. But besides being an excuse to eat lots of chocolate, what is love? In this unthemed issue, our writers, photographers, and artists explored the many dimensions of love, from finding love online to finding it for yourself. Self-love can help you bounce back from failure, or critically examine the world we live in. A desire to help others can create meaningful change on campus. And love for one’s heritage can spur the creation of powerful art, from rap music to Bollywood dance. We invite you to ponder the nature of love with us and, when you have a moment to take a break from studying, take our annual purity test. g Love,

Christine McManus Managing Editor

Peter Elima Art Director

FEBRUARY 2020 1

CONTENTS NOTES

4 6

A Place to Come Forward Find out how the Sexual Assault Centre is making a difference on campus.

Cutting the Red String Examine our cultural belief in soulmates — and why it may not be worth it.

REQUIRED READING

8 10 12

The Lion in the City Follow one student rapper’s journey to greatness.

An Online Connection Step into the world of dating apps.

Fear and (Self) Loathing Explore the relationship between self-love and the world we live in.

DIVERSIONS

THE STUDIO

F is for Failure? Even as the walls close in, one hurdle doesn’t have to be the end.

FEATURES

16 23

A Dance Across Time Discover the history of Bollywood dance, and how local artists continue to create.

Purity Test Do you have what it takes to rule Westeros? Find out in this year’s edition of the purity test.

32 34

Horoscopes Relationships are tricky. Find out how you should handle yours here.

Crossword Think you know romance? Put your knowledge to the test.

Comic

36 “Last Stroke of Midnight,” A Far Tire Vegabond Adventure

NOTES

A PLACE TO COME FORWARD TEXT MARK SORIANO PHOTO HELEN ZHANG

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NOTES

n my first day at the University of Alberta, I was told that all students, at some point in their university degree, will access at least one service found on the second floor of the Students’ Union Building. This floor is home to various health and wellness services including Counselling and Clinical Services, the Peer Support Centre, and the University Health Centre. Tucked away in a narrow hallway on the second floor, students can also find the Sexual Assault Centre (SAC). “We provide support to anybody who has been affected by sexual assault, abuse, sexual harassment, stalking, intimate partner violence, or non-consensual photo-sharing,” said Paige Cahill, the Volunteer Program Coordinator at the Sexual Assault Center. The drop-in hours for the Sexual Assault Centre are from 9 a.m. – 5 p.m. on weekdays with evening hours dependent on volunteer availability. Crisis intervention support can be provided on a one-to-one/in-person basis as well as over-the-phone. Upon entering the SAC, the person is greeted by a crisis intervention volunteer who offers them tea or water prior to going into one of the SAC’s confidential rooms. “Our crisis intervention volunteers are trained in the areas of anti-oppression, trauma-informed, and person-centred support,” Cahill stated. Delivered by an on-staff psychologist, the SAC also provides long-term counselling and psychotherapy for students who have been impacted by sexual assault or sexual abuse. “The only parameters around this long-term counselling is that they must have experienced sexual assault and they have to be a student here,” Cahill explained. A 2001 study conducted by the University of Alberta's Sexual Assault Centre found that approximately one in five students on campus had experienced a sexual assault at least once in their life. Taking a step back, a recent Statistics Canada study found that one in three women and one in eight men experienced unwanted sexual behaviour in public. “I think that the campus community is just a microcosm of society in general,” Cahill said. “[Sexual assault] is a problem everywhere. It is not just a post-secondary institution problem.” Following the release of 2016’s Review of the University’s Reponse to Sexual Assault, the Sexual Assault Centre has also been active in raising awareness and demanding reform for university policies that deal with sexual misconduct. Early last year, demonstrators took to Lister Centre to protest the way that the University of Alberta Appeals

Board (UAB) deals with sexual assault cases. Although not all of these demonstrators came from the Sexual Assault Centre, the SAC’s Director Sam Pearson was at the forefront of this particular demonstration. These protests centrered around the Code of Student Behaviour which permits de novo hearings for individuals accused of sexual assault and raises concerns of potentially re-victimizing survivors of sexual assault. “It could mean a lot to survivors who choose to seek justice through the university process,” Cahill explained. These protests also looked at the delivery of anti-sexual violence training for UAB members. The Sexual Assault Centre also hosts an Awareness Week every semester (around October and February) that encourages students and staff to have discussions around consent and sexual violence. The most recent Awareness Week in October focused on the theme of Consent in Everything. “We’re hopefully going to engage more people in conversation about consent in more of a nuanced and holistic way as opposed to just being about sexual relationships,” Cahill described. Moving forward, Cahill is excited for the pilot run of the SAC’s support group, Roots, which began in January 2020. This support group can be accessed by individuals who have previously gone through an initial consultation with the on-staff psychologist. “Right now, we have two planned for the Winter semester and two planned for the Spring Semester,” Cahill said. “The group is once a week for five weeks.” The Sexual Assault Centre also provides educational workshops around the issue of sexual violence and consent for the campus community. These workshops are targeted towards increasing awareness of what sexual assault is and debunking common misconceptions associated with the issue. There are also workshops tailored around bystander intervention and providing support to survivors of sexual violence. While most of these educational workshops are free for students and staff, the SAC offers a two-day comprehensive First Responder Training that costs $250 per registrant. Reflecting on what the ways that the campus community can work to address and reduce the prevalence of sexual violence on campus, Cahill acknowledged the importance of accountability and respecting each other’s boundaries. “Above all else, practicing empathy, holding ourselves accountable, and believing survivors when they come forward,” Cahill said. g

FEBRUARY 2020 5

NOTES

Cutting the Red String TEXT CHRISTINE MCMANUS ILLUSTRATION AN BUI

I’m the first to admit that I’m not the biggest fan of cheesy romantic tropes, perhaps to a fault. I think big white weddings are expensive and impractical, and the idea of an elaborate proposal makes me shudder. Don’t even get me started on unnecessary love triangles. But fewer tropes annoy me more than the pre-destined soulmate. The idea that your perfect match is waiting somewhere out there for you, and you just have to find them and your life will be complete forever, is absolutely everywhere. From Disney films watched in diapers to romance novels read in dorms, the soulmate colours our perception of love across our entire lives. True love, we are told, is a feeling, and we will know it when we find it. Time will slow down, the orchestra will swell, a rosy haze will descend upon your visual field. Your beloved will waltz into your life for keeps, and from then on, you will be happy. This might not seem like a big deal — after all, most adults realize that Cinderella isn’t exactly a realistic love story. But it has more of an influence on our decisions than you’d think. According to a survey by Match.com, 75 per cent of Canadians believe in soulmates. How much that belief affects one’s approach to relationships varies widely, but the idea can drive some truly poor decisions. I’ve watched friends impulsively dump partners because they were worried that they weren’t with “the one,” only to regret that decision later. One person I know believed that she had found “the one,” and stayed with him long after she should have kicked him to the curb. And still other friends have become cynical about love altogether, wondering if their special someone will ever materialize. Personally, I don’t think soulmates exist. No partner is ideal, no matter how great they are. But let’s assume they do for a moment. Even if soulmates do exist, the chances of finding yours are very slim, as one online tool demonstrates painfully well. Less Than One is a short film project and calculator designed to roughly estimate the probability of finding your ideal match, taking physical location, age, sexual

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orientation, and a few other factors into consideration. For the sake of argument, I took the test myself. You start by choosing your nearest major city. Less Than One tells you that city’s population. You enter your age. Less Than One presents you with a new number: the population of the city around your age. As you answer more questions, the number of compatible people slowly dwindles. In some ways, I had an edge: I’m a young adult (which means that a third of Edmonton’s population is about my age), gender makes no difference to me, and looks are only moderately important. But when all was said and done, only 870 people — or 0.0008 per cent — of Edmonton’s population would meet all my standards for a soulmate. Think that’s bad? Here’s the kicker: Less Than One only takes your perspective into account. It doesn’t even factor in the perspectives of others. Individual factors are at play: not everyone is going to find me attractive. Not everyone is going to mesh with me personality-wise. Not everyone who’s single wants romance in the first place. So is love dead forever? Will none of us ever find someone who makes us happy? Well, no, I don’t think so. But I do think we need to accept that our cultural obsession with finding “the one” doesn’t really have a basis in reality. We need a more practical approach to love, one that doesn’t rely on red strings of fate or the whims of the stars. Instead of hoping to find a predestined soulmate, we should focus on building valuable relationships with people we choose to commit to. The odds of finding the perfect partner don’t have to determine our odds of romantic success if we reject the idea of finding a “soulmate” in the first place. We have more agency in our love lives than I think we give ourselves credit for, and with the right person, building a beautiful relationship is definitely possible — no destiny required. This way of thinking would mean accepting a few things — imperfection, challenges, sacrifices — but it would be worth it. Love should be something we build with the people we choose (and who choose us back). g

THE LION

IN THE CITY

TEXT CELINE CARUSO DIXON PHOTO NANA ANDOH

REQUIRED READING Like many young black children in the early 2000s, I grew up on 90s rap music and R&B. Jay-Z, The Notorious B.I.G., Tupac, Salt & Pepper, the list goes on and on. The Edmonton rap scene in the last couple of years has been a platform for a host of talented individuals who can “spit bars” and grew up off the same music as I did. With performances at the 2019 Fringe Festivals, the 25th Anniversary for the Rwandan Genocide, and his opening perfomance with WU-TANG legend GZA, University of Alberta student Ntwali Kayijaho is quickly making his name heard. The 23-year-old activist, rapper, and poet has a way of bringing a homey feel to everyone he meets, no matter the time or place. Starting his rap career when he was 16, Ntwali (then Lil Simba) started rapping as a means to fit in, not knowing that it would soon be his passion in life. “I wasn’t playing any sports growing up,” Ntwali explains. “I was 5’5” and like 110 [pounds] so I had no outlet to really dish out. My friends were playing basketball while I’m on the bench getting no girls and having no confidence, it was really dark days... no cap.” He laughs as he recalls his time in high school. Seven years ago, it all began for him at a party. “I’ll never forget this,” Ntwali says. “I went to Scona [Strathcona High], so a predominantly white school. I was at a party and [my peers] were like… ‘you're black you can probably rap.’ At the time you know, we all laughed but lowkey that's like subliminal racial shit but I ran with it...” From that moment, Ntwali’s passion for music and for rapping began. The negative reaction from his peers laughing at him pushed him to start rapping everyday to prove a point. “The freedom of self expression, nobody can take that away from you,” Ntwali says. “It was like euphoric like ecstasy, that freedom of speech.” From there Ntwali’s passion for music exploded. His history with Jay-Z, 50 Cent’s “Get rich or Die Trying”, and BET when he was young helped influence his love for music. The history of his culture, being a black artist, and school are all key pieces that influence the way that Ntwali is now. “For a long time growing up I wasn't really comfortable in my skin,” Ntwali explains. “My surroundings were white people, like if that's all you see then you want to mimic your surroundings and that's just the way of life you know. So I didn't fully appreciate myself until I was in my teens.” There is more to being black and an artist for Ntwali than it seems. The politics and understanding of what those two together are helping him to not only understand his impact with his music but take a look into how they are impacting him as well. “Being a black artist stems from being aware of my surroundings, being aware that we are on treaty land wherever we are. It's just facts.” His love of reading about freedom fighters like Malcolm X and Martin Luther King greatly influences his music, and he expresses a desire to learn more about the Canadian context. “Canada forgets that we have our own dark history,” he says, “and I want to read up on that.” For Ntwali, the importance of community and understanding his surroundings is clear. He wants to uplift and generate love for him and his people. “‘A rising tide brings up all the ships,’” he says, paraphrasing John F. Kennedy. “I may just be a ship rising up but I may also be a tide rising other people with me, other ships.” His profound love for the freedom of others connects deeply with his upbringing. Ntwali’s family were one of the millions of families that were in the Rwandan Genocide in 1994, from this his passion for betterment and love within the community stems. His upbringing

was surrounded in understanding the love for other people. “Growing up we would go to these memorials every year… I didn't really understand it because I was so young, but now looking back it's just all those lessons like the pain and the struggle.” He was able to use those lessons to understand himself more. “By being Ntwali, that’s my name. That’s like my heritage, so anybody from back home can look me up and [see that] we have somebody representing us.” His upbringing not only showed him the understatement of love within community, but it also allowed for him to use that in the present through his music and poetry. “Last year was the 25th memorial for the genocide and I [performed] a poem in front of my family and this whole crowd of survivors,” Ntwali remembers, “I broke down into tears because I was so humbled by it. Out of all people, it was me.” Ntwali’s love for his community shows and his appreciation and humbleness is something that you do not come across often. “To be that face for my people and people coming up to me and they’re still thanking me for that poem and its just so powerful.” Ntwali’s deeply rooted respect for not only his culture but for black culture as a whole is present in his music. His love for learning, especially his appreciation for the many different communities at the U of A, and activism also plays a role in the way in which he looks at life and his music. “One thing I really liked about the U of A was the amount of things it offered just outside of classrooms,” Ntwali says, citing the amount of student support and diverse amount of communities and international students he found present at the U of A. “Rwandan people know the history of Rwanda, and to see me represent it and rep it like that it gives [international students] more of an identity within their own country.” The confidence and strength it takes to represent one's own country within a changing society is what Ntwali sees in not only himself but the international student community as well. His newest album, Vintage Simba, pays homage to not only his previous self but what he’s learned from his culture, friends, school, and the world. “Vintage Simba comes from two different places,” Ntwali says. His love for thrift shopping and people calling him an ‘old soul’ are only some of the places that this title comes from. “It fits so well but also if you think about it, vintage simba, my first rap name was Little Simba so its like old school Ntwali like before I was Ntwali.” Ntwali wants people to understand the time, effort, and hard work that got him to the place he is today.“Vintage Simba was a five-month process,” Ntwali says. Not only was there making connections within the industry that went into the consistent working of these songs, Ntwali also had to make sure that he was on the right track and build himself up in the process as well. “Like how can I give [a] false advertisement? How can I give you this music [if] I’m not there personally?” His determination both in his music and in life is a trait that defines Ntwali from the rest. With his performance at the 2019 Fringe Festivals and multiple performances at the University of Alberta’s Black Students’ Association events, Ntwali gives his audience something to talk about and stand to when he’s performing. His love and passion for music and the Edmonton Arts scene is unparalleled. Ntwali’s upbringing, his culture, his love, and passion all play into his core philosophy, one that he reflects on daily and you can often catch him saying. “The energy you give you get back, so be aware of that make sure you love what you do and don't settle and don't quit… it's only up from here, you know.” g

FEBRUARY 2020 9

REQUIRED READING

An Online Connection TEXT ADAM LACHACZ ILLUSTRATION MICHAEL ABENOJAR

I was always afraid of online dating. The prospect of meeting someone in-person seemed difficult enough, let alone chatting with a complete stranger, getting to know them, and then (hopefully) meeting in the real world. I decided to jump into the deep end and try it out. After a hiatus from the dating scene due to a brutal breakup from a long term relationship, a couple of messy flings, and a handful of promising prospects that just never went anywhere, I decided to try something I had never done before: find a meaningful relationship that could go steady from an online dating app. A couple months ago I began my journey into the digital realm of matchmaking. It took me on quite the adventure, one that continues to this day.

STEP 1

Joining an app

Once I made the decision to try finding a match online, I had to decide which application to use. I conducted my own preliminary research and consulted with friends as to where to start. It was overwhelming to scroll through the AppStore section of dating apps. There were staples like Tinder to apps I had never heard of, like Coffee Meets Bagel. I settled on starting with one app. Many of my friends had really positive experiences with Bumble. One of them actually found a long-time partner on the app. They kept pushing me to not feel anxious; I was told I would find plenty of people and have a great time while doing it. I felt like it was a good place to start. Bumble is unique in that it requires women to make the first move, unless you are looking for a same sex match where anyone can make the primary contact. According to Bumble, this was done deliberately to reinvent the “antiquated rules of dating,” whereby men were expected to initiate. Instead, Bumble says it empowers women by giving them control of the entire interaction. I found Bumble easy to use. It had a significant amount of potential people to swipe through and its filters actually worked. Yet, a week, then another, and one more passed without a single match.

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STEP 2

Doubt and second-guessing

After three weeks of constant checking and nothing happening I began to grow restless. My initial optimism and encouragement from my friends wore off. I began to overthink, doubt, and second-guess everything from my decision to join in the first place to what was on my profile. I thought I had a decent profile. I had even ‘soft-tested’ my photos with both friends and strangers on PhotoFeeler, a website allowing members to share photos and receive candid feedback about them. I knew that you only had six slots for photos so I made sure to make them count. For the next two weeks I would rearrange

STEP 3

Hedging bets

I joined and made profiles on OkCupid and Coffee Meets Bagel. I decided to cast a wider net and hedge my bets that by putting myself out there more would result in a potential return. OkCupid is really one of the, if not the, original online dating mobile app. It was started in the early 2000s by a group of Harvard students who also created SparkNotes. In fact, the group sold SparkNotes to United States national book retailer Barnes and Nobles in 2001 so that they could focus solely on OkCupid. The app uses more survey-based questioning to generate a percentage rate of compatibility with others. This way you aren’t just using a swipe left or

my profile daily — sometimes hourly. I would switch out photos and constantly change my bio. Soon my line of thought shifted from blaming the app to myself. Was it my glasses that were holding me back? Did I not look genuine or interesting enough? Were people scared off by me putting my job as an editor at The Gateway? Those were some of the things that crossed my mind. Soon after I deleted Bumble. I thought my experiment in online dating would end there. Then, one late night I decided to bet the last shred of my confidence and join a few other apps. Looking back now, I’m glad that I did.

right based on images, but can also take into account your percent compatibility. Coffee Meets Bagel is a newer dating app that limits the amount of users a person can interact with each day as a way to make them more meaningful. This way you aren’t just swiping past every single person. Within hours of setting up profiles on both apps I had matches who I started talking to. I found OkCupid to have a lot of older potential suitors, which was not was I quite looking for. From my interactions I found Coffee Meets Bagel had more of a professional audience, where it was people who weren’t afraid to share what they did for work or career aspirations.

REQUIRED READING

STEP 4

Strong first Impressions

It was overwhelming to go from receiving no matches to having several conversations going with different people. There were a lot of conversations that just didn’t quite go where I had hoped. There was some ghosting — from both my end and the other person’s end. Ultimately, I found the hardest part was making a solid impression within the first handful of messages. The first message proved critical. It seemed like an impossible task to try making a simple introduction, express interest, and ask a question to initiate a meaningful conversation. I tried flirty, then no flirting. Also, can you use emojis or not? I ended up focusing on three main things in my first message: proving I have read their profile, starting a conversation about something we shared in common, and asking a question to spark a further exchange. After a week of juggling multiple conversations I came across a Facebook ad for

Hinge. I decided to give it a shot, seeing as how I was already engaged with two other platforms. Hinge boasts itself as the dating app meant to be deleted; on its website it says the average users deletes the app after three weeks of use. Immediately, I was impressed by how easy Hinge was to use. It had a sleek interface that made it easy to have a stellar profile. What stood out to me is the ability to like specific aspects of a person’s profile as opposed to just liking their entire profile, like on all the other apps mentioned. Hinge allowed you to like a specific part of a person’s bio, one of their photos, or the whole profile as well. Then the app makes you leave a comment with the like. While it leaves it up to you as to what you want to say, this feature made it super easy to initiate and flow into meaningful conversations as opposed to starting from scratch. For example, if I saw a photo of someone hiking I could

I was always afraid of online dating. While trying at times, the experience ended up being successful; one that I am incredibly glad I undertook. I found that ultimately the best approach was just being myself. Even though I tried portraying myself in a different way or tailoring my response, I got matches that ended up going nowhere. The best result came from sharing what was true and genuine. g

like that part of their profile and say I love to hike too. All the conversations started on apps besides Hinge never lasted beyond 48 hours. Hinge made it easier to make a strong first impression and launch into successful dialogues. It also made meeting in person so much better; I felt like I knew more about the person which led to fruitful real world interactions. I ended up deleting all the other apps and focusing my efforts solely on Hinge where I wasn’t just matching with people, I was having discussions, debates, and heartfelt conversations. In fact, it was on Hinge that I found the special someone — who to this day — I am still seeing and going on adventures with. While I didn’t delete Hinge in the average timeframe as they purport, I did end up erasing the app and focusing on the one person I found through it. The person who I still am dating now.

TE X

g n i h t a o L ) f l e S ( d n a r a Fe

MO L Z

TI LLUSTR A AH N I

ON JILLIAN CONNOLLY

REQUIRED READING

I hate myself. I used to have that thought almost every day; now, it comes a little less frequently. Yet it is only on the rarest of occasions when I think, I love myself. Most of the time, I try not to think of myself at all. I am quick to pick out flaws in my appearance and in my personality, until I get to the point where I loathe even the smallest things about myself, like the sound of my voice or the way my calves jiggle. This self-dissection is nothing new. The complete and utter dissatisfaction with myself started young and was very strong until I hit high school. Each year, I started to like myself just a little bit more. I made new friends, I did more things that I enjoyed, and I started dressing differently. I thought, I’m not as horrible as I thought I was. But then, as the stress of university (combined with quite a few other issues) culminated in an eating disorder, I was back at square one. Hating yourself is devastating. It gets to the point when you aren’t necessarily suicidal, but you feel like you have to die because you’re just that awful. No matter how compassionate you are to other people, it’s difficult to extend that same compassion to yourself. It becomes almost preferable to engage in self-destructive behaviours — that’s when self-loathing is at its most dangerous. I felt euphoric when I skipped meals or saw the number on the scale decrease. It became a way for me to have control over my appearance, over something, so despite all the other things I hated about myself, I was skinny and no one could take that away from me. I didn’t see it at the time, but this way of thinking isn’t healthy. It’s dangerous, it’s unsustainable, and it doesn’t actually help. Hurting yourself to feel better only works in the moment, and could be fatal in the long run, depending on how you choose to hurt yourself. So why did I engage in self-harm? What drove me to see myself this way? There were probably individual factors at play, but I believe this has something to do with the society we live in. Love involving another person is normalized, but self-love is not. It’s considered normal to hear people tell self-deprecating jokes, but at what point do we start to internalize the jokes? It’s also common to judge people for unabashedly loving themselves. We tell them they’re conceited and self-centered and vain. We punish their celebrations of themselves because it’s gotten to the point where loving yourself is unnatural and outside the status quo. Self-hatred, or to a lesser extent, dissatisfaction with oneself is incentivized. We are constantly bombarded with advertisements and doctrine that we are not good enough in our natural forms. Instead, we are coerced into buying products to make ourselves more appealing. Cosmetics, diet products, and new clothes are all parts

of this. Companies create needs and worries about one’s appearance that didn’t exist before — for instance, the son of Listerine’s founder famously coined the word “halitosis” as a name for bad breath to sell more mouthwash. This is the crux of capitalism. It’s dehumanising because you’re no longer thought of as a person; instead you’re thought of as something to sell to, and in order to do that, you must feel the need to buy. We too eventually come to think of ourselves in this way. We forget that we are human, and instead consider ourselves a product that constantly needs to be improved. Consumerism helps allay feelings of hatred, giving us a small rush each time we buy some new product promising to make us better versions of ourselves. I don’t believe advertisements and capitalism are completely responsible for self-hatred (or eating disorders, which are complex mental illnesses), but I do believe that corporations help create and capitalize on some of our insecurities, magnifying them for the purpose of making money. On an individual level, it’s so much easier to wallow in negative beliefs rather than challenge them. It’s safer too. It’s safer to think “I’m a failure” than to believe you aren’t and to have that belief challenged by a bad grade, for example. You cannot be deflated if you’re already empty to begin with. Sometimes happiness, or even contentment, can feel so fragile. It can vanish in an instant, leaving you feeling horrible once again, so why risk that loss? It may be easier to live this way, but it’s not desirable. I have different standards for myself than I do for everyone else, and I don’t think I’m alone in that. Because there’s some distance between yourself and another person, you can more easily make sense of their actions and motivations. You can see that even if they messed up, they’re trying their best. You can be more objective about someone else, but it’s hard to have that same objectivity towards yourself. I have been told to remember that past trauma changed my brain and I need to go easy on myself. I can’t seem to do that though, but I can be so much more compassionate and understanding of how other people’s traumas have affected them. The journey to self love is a long and arduous one. It’s difficult to disregard all the negative self-talk that’s been present for years. Even if it doesn’t seem possible to love or even like yourself, just remember that corporations want you to hate yourself and you can’t give them the satisfaction of winning. Loving yourself is radically anti-capitalist. It may not seem like there’s an end in sight, and maybe that’s because there is no end. It’s a constant fight against your own negative perceptions and what those damn capitalists want you to believe so they can sell to you. Even though it’s hard, it’s worth it (from what I’ve heard). g

FEBRUARY 2020 13

THE STUDIO

F is for Failure?

TEXT PAULINE CHAN

PHOTO HELEN ZHANG

I could feel the nervousness in the air as I walked into the cold lecture hall. The atmosphere was grim; everyone knew we were getting our midterm marks back. Students began rushing to the front as our test papers were strewn across the tables. Unable to resist my curiosity, I eagerly joined the hoard of students desperately searching for their test papers. After minutes of scrambling, I recognized my faint handwriting amidst the chaos. I quickly reached out and grabbed the wrinkled pieces of paper before it was whisked away by another student. As I walked back to my seat, the booklet of questions began to weigh heavier and heavier in my hands. It was a difficult exam, that was no secret. Even before I saw my test results, I already knew. I knew it would be rough, but maybe, just maybe by some miracle I might just walk out the doors with a decent score. That didn’t happen. My stomach dropped as I weakly lifted the wrinkled pages. The abundance of red marks carved into the paper was enough to burn the retinas of my eyes. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. I’d done poorly on exams before, but never to this extent. It felt like I had unlocked a new achievement in a video game, except it was an achievement that I never wanted: failure.

I desperately scanned through each page, hoping to spot a marking error, but it made no difference. Emptiness began creeping into my mind as I felt the room drain of oxygen. Failure leached onto my skin and sunk deep into my bones. Energy and motivation started bleeding out of my limbs until I slumped against the back of the chair like a ragdoll. The rest of the lecture felt like an eternity. It felt like time had stopped, but only I was held back. Whispers and chatters were muffled as my senses began to numb. I couldn’t hear, feel or see anything except for the burning red marks on my test papers. The words “disappointment” and “failure” echoed within my skull as the classroom walls caved in, drowning me in a void of darkness. The weeks that followed were agonizing. The shell of my body kept attending class but I was nowhere to be found. Lectures, labs, and exams all passed by. A new semester began but it all felt the same. Empty. Notes were regurgitated, and classes were failed. Semesters began to blur and lectures were increasingly dry, and yet the shell continued on. I probably left myself in the remnants of that dark classroom. The walls shrunk from shoulder to shoulder, front to back with barely enough air for me to breathe. There were no cracks to escape from nor light to illuminate the space. Just pure blackness. My mind was simply stagnant. I wasn’t sure how much time I spent existing in nothingness until one day, something felt different. It almost seemed like the room was finally able to exhale. Suddenly, I was given the freedom to move. Maybe I was bored, or maybe I was tired. Maybe I became aware of how miserable it was to repeat the same things everyday and expect the same results each time. Whatever the reason, I was glad that something had changed. The newfound space allowed me to restack my confidence. With each new accomplishment, big or small, the room kept changing. Eventually, the room expanded until there were no walls, no restrictions, and no confinement. The once dark space was now replaced with a flood of light. It almost seemed like there was never a room to begin with. It was simply just… Space. Looking back, I now realize that the person that placed those walls was none other than myself. I put myself in that room. I bullied myself into believing that grades were the most important thing in the world. I prescribed absurd amounts of stress on myself that ultimately amounted to nothing. I didn’t just fail an exam, I also failed myself. If I could go back in time, I’d tell myself failing an exam is not the end of the world. It isn’t an evaluation of one’s self worth nor is it a premonition of the remainder of one’s university career. Rather, it’s a signal to improve. A failed exam is both the catalyst and motivator to push us further towards our goals. University isn’t about getting good grades, it’s about developing skills to become a better learner. Failing just happens to be the first step. g

FEBRUARY 2020 15

DANCE ACROSS

TIME TEXT ASHLYNN CHAND PHOTO HELEN ZHANG

FEATURES

hen I was in high school, one of my friends turned to me and squealed, “oh my god, you are so cute and innocent, never lose your virginity because then you wouldn’t be innocent anymore and it would ruin you.” At the time, I laughed it off. But, I couldn’t help think of how my own agency and sexuality was being undermined. I also couldn’t help but think it had more to do with my ethnicity and gender, rather than my personality. Growing up in Canada within a South Asian household, the gendered expectations were plentiful. I’m a cisgender woman who was born and raised in Edmonton and have dealt with both the white Canadian and the South Asian community pushing their invasive, and sometimes strange ideas about genders all my life. This isn’t anything new. For all of human history, gender and sexuality have been subjected to the qualms of the dominant group of a society. When it comes to the diasporic — a community, frequently a cultural group, that has been dispersed from its point of origin — gendered expectations become even more complicated and layered. If you’re an immigrant or a child of immigrants in Canada, you may alternate between two different worlds, cultures, expectations, and even media. There’s the Canadian or American media, and then there’s the media of another country. For me, that other media originated from India in the form of the Hindi film industry, also known as “Bollywood.”

he female heroines or love interests are the most popular aspect of Bollywood films. The second most celebrated part of them is dance. But, what many people fail to realize is the political intersections within Bollywood: dance, gender and sexuality. Films like Devdas and Umrao Jaan have provided complicated retellings of Tawaifs and Devdasis, figures in Indian society whose roles have shifted dramatically over time. In modern Indian society, the term “Devadasis” refers to women who are sex workers and they are often treated as the lowest of the low. However, this was not always the case — Devadasis were once at the

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“IT’S NOT THE RELI BUT HO INTERPRET T

forefront of cultural, artistic and political changes in South Asia, specifically India. For most people, the image of a beautiful South Asian woman dressed in “traditional” clothing and dancing in front of large groups of men is the first thing that comes to mind when Bollywood is mentioned. “Item girls” are a well-known trope in South Asian media, taking inspiration from nautch girls of the Mughal era. Coming from the noun form of the verb “nach,” a Hindi word meaning “to dance,” the term “nautch girls” is a colonial appropriation. Irrespective of distinctions in gender, class, and location, Anglo-Indians coined the term to reference a whole slew of performers, ranging from drummers, singers, pianists, actors to jugglers, magicians and snake charmers. Those commonly known as nautch girls fall into two categories: Devadasis and Tawaifs. Devadasis were women who were devoted to the worship of a Hindu deity or temple for their entire life. Tawaifs were highly sophisticated courtesans who catered to Indian nobility. Essentially, Devadasis dealt with the pleasure of deities, while Tawaifs catered to the pleasure of men. Sex was incidental and not assured in either profession, as both Tawaifs and Devadsasis could choose their sexual partners freely. Nevertheless, according to Dr. Charn Kamal Kaur Jagpal, a U of A alumna, Devadasis were temple leaders in cultural arts in South India, while Tawaifs were leaders in the cultural arts in North India. This may seem unrelated to Bollywood, but this cultural history is a major foundation of Hindi cinema. “Bollywood incorporated the tradition of nautch girls into its dance routines, its romantic plots, and its cinematography in various ways,” Jagpal says. “The Bollywood film industry rose out of a great need to empower a generation of newly-independenced Indians [from the British] with a [form of] entertainment. There was no better inspiration for the perpetuation and preservation of Indian nationalism than the ‘nautch girl,’ particularly the Tawaif.” Jagpal did her PhD dissertation on nautch girl literature, entitled I mean to win: the nautch girl and imperial feminism at the fin de siècle. According to Jagpal, nautch girls were pre-colonial feminist communities that defied British colonialism in India in an attempt to see the birth of India's independence.

“[Nautch girls] were militant, political, financially-secure, popular, influential, and charismatic,” Jagpal says. “They assisted in both the first War of Independence in the 1850's and the final war of India's Independence in the 1940's.” For the British, nautch girls represented what they saw as the negative aspects of Indian culture: eroticism and crudeness. In her M.A. thesis about courtesans in Colonial India, Grace S.E. Howard contends that “these British constructions of gender, ethnicity, and class in India altered ideas and ideals concerning appropriate behaviour, sexuality, sexual availability, and sex-specific gender roles in the [Indian] subcontinent.” Due to their enormous and viable threat to British rule in India, anti-nautch movements were implemented in the 1890s.

RELIGION ITSELF, T HOW PEOPLE OR INDIVIDUALS ET THE RELIGION AND THEN IMPOSE THAT POWER OVER OTHER PEOPLE, ESPECIALLY… WOMEN AND GIRLS.” FEATURES

Anti-nautch movements were started by the British, but were enacted with assistance from Indians and Indian organizations. Most of the reformers were men who sought the power and authority that nautch girls had. Surprisingly, the Indian women’s movement even supported these reforms. The major reforms behind the anti-nautch movement were the abolishment of temple devotion (for instance, marrying a deity) and outlaw of dance performances by Devadasis. “The anti-nautch movements of the 1890s left nautch girls destitute. They were forced out of their professions due to the emergence of a derogatory label: prostitutes," Jagpal says. “Under this label, all performers endured a bad reputation and the arts in India suffered greatly.”

Under the British Crown, nautch girls were considered to be sex workers and, eventually, after years of mislabelling and degradation, nautch girls had to resort to commercial sex work to survive. This is why today Devadasis and sex workers are synonymous with each other, even when they originally were conceived as completely separate things. In 1947, the same year India gained independence, the Madras Devadasis (Prevention of Dedication) Act was passed, which criminalized the marriage of women to deities and outlawed the dance performances by Devadasis. After India gained independence, the need for a Pan-Indian identity became apparent and the film and arts industries was supposed to help create this identity. As a result, Bollywood dance is a combination of classical Indian forms of bharatanatyam and kathak, rural and folk styles such as raslila and bhangra, and popular “Western” styles, including salsa, disco, hip hop, and jazz. “The Independence movement of post-colonial India saw a resurgence of artistic talents in a newfound class of national dancers, Bharatnatyam,” Jagpal says. “These performers borrowed from — and some even arguably stole — from their nautch girl predecessors.” According to Jagpal, “Many Bollywood actresses today are considered to be nautch girls because they popularize the Bharatnatyam dance in front of a plethora of nationally-grown Indian and diasporic Indian watchers.” Bollywood is a relatively new term as well. It’s used as an umbrella term for the Hindi film industry. The term ‘Bollywood’ arose from a need to reach a global audience and to be relatable to the rest of the world. Since people already knew Hollywood, Bollywood naturally stemmed from that. “When I was a kid, that word didn’t exist, we just called it Hindi movies or Hindi songs,” Ashley Anjlien Kumar, Artistic

Director of the South Asian Arts Movement and Director of The Balance Code Yoga and Wellness, says. “The word ‘Bollywood’ really came about based on the massive exporting of Indian films to places all around the world, [to] what the Indians call [the] NRI — non-resident Indian — audience., and to appeal to non-Indians as well.” Dance has been an integral part of Bollywood since its inception; even the era of silent films featured dance sequences. Kumar has been dancing for 27 years; she is trained in a variety of different Indian dance styles (which she calls South Asian dance styles), but mainly does Kathak, a North Indian classical dance, and Bollywood dance. For Kumar, the historical aspects of South Asian dance are imperative to performing authentically. At the South Asian Arts Movement, Kumar wants to empower the youth through movement. She does workshops called “Beyond Bollywood” all over Alberta, as a way for others to get a glimpse of dance from South Asia. In these workshops, Ashley discusses the history of each of the dance styles. However, for Kumar, the reception of nautch girls and women in Bollywood dance goes beyond the big screen. “In the Hindu religion in of itself, women are valued and strongly upheld. It’s [men’s] or society’s interpretation of the religion and the culture that has degraded the position of women in terms of Indian classical artwork,” Kumar says. “It’s not the religion itself, but how people or individuals interpret the religion and then impose that power over other people, especially… women and girls. Unfortunately, it’s not [just] that it affects Bollywood today, it affects the whole society.” This is especially true when considering how gender within Hinduism is fluid and isn’t as strictly constructed as communities tend to make them. In many Hindu epics, such as Vedas, Mahabharata, Ramayana and Puranas, showcase many deities as both male and female at different times or incarnations or may depict themselves as both

FEBRUARY 2020 19

“THERE’S A BARR W TO THE WHIT

“INDIA IS CHANGING, MORE PEOPLE ARE DANCING.” FEATURES

genders at once (such as Ardhanarishvara). There are dieities who are patrons of thirdsex or homoerotically inclined people as well. Yet, within both Western and Eastern societies, followers utilize Hinduism to enforce rigid gender binaries and roles. “When you think about the songs and the lyrics, when it comes to Bollywood Dance, there’s a lot of stuff related to a woman, a woman’s body, a woman’s physique, a woman’s skin colouring, a woman’s features,” Kumar says. Kumar finds that many people don’t take the skill of Bollywood dancers seriously, which affects the way her business works. “Large pockets of the South Asian community are not giving value to the artform when they’re looking at performances,” Kumar says. “Whether that means they’re sitting and talking while a performer is performing or they’re thinking that as a dancer that you should not be paid when you perform or provide a service at certain events.” Kumar finds this frustrating. “For us, for certain people, this is our livelihood.” For Kumar, she prefers Indian classical dance over Bollywood for its fluidity in gender performance. Indian classical dance typically allowed for both men and women to participate. According to Kumar, the primary leaders of Kathak were all men, so they played both feminine and masculine roles. “It’s still like that today, although I would say there’s far fewer men learning and performing the Indian classical dance now, which is sad, but I think that has happened over the years for various reasons,” Kumar says. When it comes to gender and South Asian dance, there’s a clear binary that exists currently. Bollywood reinforces the idea that women should be beautiful, sexual and exist for the consumption of men. Furthermore, men are pressured to occupy negative and aggressive masculine notions of gender.

Sharukh Ali is a U of A alumnus and the current marketing coordinator for the Bollywood Dance Club. During his undergraduate degree, he started the Bollywood Dance Club with a group of his friends as a form of mental relief for students, but also as a way to break gender stereotypes surrounding the perception of Bollywood. “I hid the fact that I even started this club and that I was doing dancing from my dad for the first full year, because growing up I needed to abide by these gender roles in that boys shouldn’t be dancing, they should be doing other things,” Ali says. “Dancing is strictly for girls so I was scared to tell him and I didn’t tell him because I thought he would make me stop doing the club or send me off somewhere.” Ali became an executive in his second year and continued to work for the Bollywood Dance Club in secret, that is, until Ali and the group were performing at Heritage Day one summer and his father came across their performance. “[My father] saw me on stage and I was shocked for a little bit. [I was like] ‘oh God, he’s there,’ but he sat front row and he wasn’t mad,” Ali says. “It was amazing.” Rones George, a third year Bachelor of Science in Kinesiology student and choreographer for the Bollywood Dance Club, believes Bollywood and the general South Asian culture can perpetuate gender stereotypes. However, she believes that this adherence to binaries is worse here in the West than it is in South Asia. “I think it’s worse here than back in [...] India, there’s more judgmental people here,” George says. “They’re still stuck in that olden times, they don’t really see that India is changing, more people are dancing, you see more different people, like guys, [dancing].” This isn’t the only change Bollywood dance has seen. Bollywood dance has now been incorporated into drag performances, showcasing the ever-changing nature of drag culture. Sachit Vashisht is a third-

year general science student at the U of A by day and a drag queen by night. Their drag persona, Agnes, was created out of a realization that there is space for their drag to be racialized. Agnes incorporates Bollywood into their performances, in order to have an international and global perspective. “I went from doing irreverent music to doing world music, like a highly racialized performance in drag, so I’ve kept [the name, Agnes]. I just always liked the name, it makes no sense but it’s kinda subversive because you don’t expect a glamorous gender bending brown person to come out, you expect like an old mature cisgender man, this white gay, to come in and do a typical drag race number,” Vashisht says. “My performance style is very eclectic, very energetic, very passionate. I do a lot of different songs but I try to bring an element of joy into it, it’s very resistant to Eurocentric patriarchy.” Challenges in performing are both racialized and gendered. Because of British colonization and globalization, South Asian media often mimics the Western media. Conversely, shows, such as BBC’s Beecham House, or even movies, like Slumdog Millionaire, portray South Asian women in a stereotypical manner, often as docile and ultra-feminine. They’re soft spoken, passive, and typically the love interest. At a certain point, we are left wondering who’s mimicking who and what purpose that serves. Even progressive shows, like Sense8, fall victim to this trope. South Asians have become stylized to fit the dominant white group’s perceptions. Vashisht tries their best to decolonize their drag performances, although there are some challenges they face when it comes to performing in Canada. “There’s a barrier where I have to appeal to the white man somehow in my drag,” Vashisht says. “A societal problem [I face is feeling like I have to] apease the white hetero-cis-patriarchy with my drag and it’s really difficult, because I sometimes just want to do a really unapolagetic Bollywood song and I kinda have to police myself, since [performing] is one of my only source of livelihood.”

ARRIER WHERE I HAVE TO APPEAL WHITE MAN SOMEHOW IN MY DRAG.”

FEBRUARY 2020 21

“I CAN NEVER BE A PROPER CANADIAN OR A PROPER ASIAN — I’VE BECOME TOO REBELLIOUS AND DISTANT FOR BOTH COMMUNITIES.” Vashisht contends that femininity and queer identities are often neglected in Bollywood and Bollywood dance. They see this issue prominently in the film, Queen, which tells the story of Rani, an under-confident Punjabi woman, who travels to Paris by herself for honeymoon after her fiancé calls off their wedding. “I think it’s very binaric, besides the fact that we literally erased gender queer identities. We’re still stuck on the patriarchal, really really strict gender rules, we see a lot of films where we’re trying to have more women centered in movies like Queen [for example], but we also sort of forget that’s staged, all the music,” Vashisht says. “The entire movie [Queen] is based off of female liberation in a male perspective, women in a man’s perspective and that’s apparent and problematic. We somewhat associate femininity with the patriarchy and we kind of ignore how women can be resilient and powerful within Bollywood cinema.”

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ersonally, I find it difficult at times to watch both Bollywood and Hollywood because of their representations of women. Either I feel self-conscious for not having the same physical features, or I feel pressure to be “softer.” Most of the time, these representations of South Asian women, both in American and Indian cinema, make me feel more inadequate. I’m not light enough, quiet enough or sexual enough. I can never be a proper Canadian or a proper Asian — I’ve become too rebellious and distant for both communities. This relationship becomes even more complex when other intersections are considered. Being in between two cultures can also be a good thing — you gain another perspective and you can experience multiple cultures at once.

Nevertheless, the feeling of being caught between two worlds that may never fully accept who we are or what we want to be can be isolating. Despite these adversities, the South Asian diaspora continue to resist societal pressure and create new experiences for themselves and for others around them. From the nautch girls of the Mughal era to the drag queens, art and dance carry on the tradition of resistance. At the same time, they create a community where like-minded individuals can be who they are. Even dancers in our own Edmonton community are trying their best to create that space for themselves and for others. So take notes from them: push through and do what you feel is right. Challenge the patriarchy and its gender binaries, because it wasn’t always like how it is now. It’s not easy, but it’s your life. g

Purity Test You belong to one of the Great Houses of Westeros, that much is certain. Whether you belong on the Iron Throne is another matter. In the Game of Thrones, you win or you die. Do you have what it takes to rule the Seven Kingdoms, or are you destined to be dragon bait? Only one way to find out.

ILLUSTRATION COLETTE NADON, PETER ELIMA

FEATURES

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Slept in so late you accidentally

Forgotten to pay a debt?

VICES AND FUCK-UPS

To the Iron Bank of Braavos? 1

Forgotten to pay tuition?

3 3

missed a class? A week of class?

Put your Chem lab solution in the wrong

A month?

waste container?

A whole semester?

Gotten a ticket?

Been written up by a Lister RA?

Trusted Melisandre?

Only talked in Game of Thrones references?

(2 points per time) Been arrested?

Trusted Petyr Baelish?

Never watched Game of Thrones?

Gone to jail?

Tried to stay in the loop by reading

Done jail time?

plot summaries online?

Been sent to the Nightâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Watch?

Lied about watching Game of

2 -5

Thrones to fit in? Cheated on a test?

The purity test? (gasp)

Missed a page on an exam?

All the pages on an exam? Had your calculator taken away

5 1

mid-exam? Handed in an assignment late?

Never handed in an assignment?

Plagiarized an assignment?

Ghosted your group project members?

Failed a class?

Withdrawn from a class before

watching Game of Thrones?

the way through In one sitting?

More than once?

Actually liked season 8?

-2

Gotten a piercing (1 point per piercing)

A tattoo? (1 point per tattoo)

A Game of Thrones tattoo?

SUBTOTAL

SEX 5

out of a term paper? Caused a personal emergency

Learned a Fortnite dance? Made a TikTok? Are you TikTok famous? Made a Jojo reference?

Kissed someone? Never been kissed?

1 -5

10 Masturbated?

to get out of a term paper? Played Fortnite?

Watched Game of Thrones all

you could fail it? Faked a personal emergency to get

-10

Been called out for lying about

More than once a day?

On campus?

At work?

Had sex?

In an empty lecture hall?

In a HUB stairwell?

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FEATURES

In a bathroom stall?

Brought a honeycomb and a jackass

In Rutherford library?

into a brothel?

In the Dent/Pharm construction site?

In a cave beyond the wall?

On a boat?

Performed or received a handjob/fingering?

Performed or received oral sex?

Did you swallow?

Performed or received road head?

Performed or received anal sex?

69â&#x20AC;&#x2122;d? Hooked up with someone who lived in Lister? Committed floorcest? Contracted an STD? Given someone else an STD? Tried to figure out who gave you an STD

6.9 2 4 5 -10 7

using an Excel spreadsheet? Flirted with a TA? Hooked up with a TA?

1 3

Made the Eight?

Watched porn?

In a lecture hall?

With sound?

Watched Game of Thrones to get in the mood?

Hit pause during the sex scenes?

Done sexy Game of Thrones roleplay?

Spoken Dothraki in the bedroom?

Wanted Arya Stark to be your daddy?

Margaery Tyrell?

The Night King?

Drogon? (youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re not special)

-1

Shipped any of the characters from

Game of Thrones? Written explicit fanfiction about them?

Do you own a dildo?

A vibrator?

A fleshlight?

A butt plug?

Hooked up with a prof?

A ball gag?

Were they tenured?

A whip?

A body pillow?

-5

A Game of Thrones themed sex toy?

Flirted with a prof?

Sexted? Sent nudes?

3 4

Harassed someone for nudes?

-5

Sent an unsolicited dick pic?

-10

Sent feet pics? Drunk texted your ex? Drunk sexted your ex? Went on a Tinder date? Been stood up by a Tinder date?

SUBTOTAL

ALCOHOL

2 2

Had alcohol?

Been drunk?

5 1 2

On tequila?

On vodka?

On everclear?

With your cousin? (yikes)

On absinthe?

With your sibling? (YIKES)

On Hennessy?

Had an affair?

Dated a MILF or DILF?

Gone to class drunk? And kept drinking in class?

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3 4

FEATURES

FEBRUARY 2020 27

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Puked at RATT? At Dewey’s?

At a house party?

On someone?

Had _____ shots in a row (1 point per shot)

Puked and rallied?

Been kicked out of the bar?

Pre-drank so much you never made

it there? Enjoyed a good shower beer?

Tried Nude?

Had wine?

In the bathtub?

Out of a mug?

While blowing up the Sept of Balor? Been drunk before noon? From the night before? Been hungover? For more than a day?

20 3 5 1 2

Blacked out?

Had alcohol poisoning?

Taken a final exam drunk?

Did you pass?

Played King’s Cup?

In King’s Landing? Said “I drink and I know things” completely

SUBTOTAL

Never done drugs?

-5

Smoked a cigarette?

An e-cig?

-1

A cigar?

Gotten high on weed?

Cocaine?

Meth?

MDMA?

Heroin?

Glue?

Paint fumes?

Life?

-2

Done ketamine for the lolz?

Taken Adderall to “study?”

Used steroids?

Other “performance enhancing” drugs? Tried edibles?

3 2

Eaten too many edibles at once?

Been high in class?

On a date?

At a family gathering?

Stolen a lighter from someone at a party?

Amassed a stolen lighter collection?

Sold drugs?

Vaped?

7 -1

unironically? Played a Game of Thrones drinking game?

DRUGS

In public?

In your car?

In a public bathroom?

Gotten popcorn lung?

Carried a Naloxone kit?

Gone on a mind trip with a bearded man

in a tree? Became the Three-Eyed Raven?

SUBTOTAL FEBRUARY 2020 29

FEATURES

FOOD AND GLUTTONY Stolen milk or sugar from the Daily Grind? Stolen eating utensils from a fast food place

VIOLENCE 2 3

without buying anything? Complained about the line at the

-5

Tim’s in CAB? Thought BarBurrito was overrated?

Finished a tombstone donair by yourself?

Without vomiting?

Ordered a McGangbang?

Finished a large pizza by yourself?

Had bubble tea more than three

times a week? Dined and dashed? Did you get away? Paid less than a dollar at a club’s bake sale? Shown up to a talk or event just for th

5 10 -2 2

The freshman 30?

Had to find the breastplate stretcher?

Eaten at Subway five times in one week?

Had a dietary restriction and said, “fuck it,

them to their father? Stanned Hot Pie?

SUBTOTAL

A swordfight?

Gotten into a dance battle? A rap battle?

2 5

Broken a bone?

Someone else’s bone?

A boner?

Owned a switchblade?

Brass knuckles?

A gun? (2 points per gun)

An entire hand? Raised your hand in class and said “to play

2 2 10 -10

the devil’s advocate…”? Started an internet comments fight?

Totally killed the mood at a wedding?

-2 -5 4

By killing all your guests?

By killing Joffrey? (hell yeah)

Taken part in a student protest? Said “Ok Boomer?”

5 1

To your parents?

To your prof?

5 3

A person?

Multiple people?

All of King’s Landing?

Participated in #CleganeBowl hype?

Ambushed your dad on the can with

a crossbow?

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Broken someone’s heart?

Intentionally set something on fire?

I’m eating this anyway?” Baked your enemies into a pie and fed

Over Game of Thrones?

(1 point per extra drink) Gained the freshman 15?

A knife fight?

Lost a finger or toe? (2 points per digit)

free food? Had more than one energy drink per day?

Gotten into a fistfight?

FEATURES

Had rotten fruits and vegetables thrown

at you? While walking naked in the streets? Demanded a trial by combat? Cheated?

5 3 5

And somehow still lost?

-2

Sicced your dog on someone?

An entire pack of dogs?

A dragon?

SUBTOTAL

RESULTS (0-125 POINTS) HOUSE STARK You may be an ice-cold badass, but that functioning moral compass is holding you back. You’re a big fan of not fucking your relatives, keeping all your limbs intact, and adopting stray direwolf puppies. I hate to break it to you, but your healthy and reasonable outlook on life won’t get you on the Iron Throne. So get out there and stab an ice zombie. Wear a dead guy’s face. Live a little!

(126-250 POINTS) HOUSE BARATHEON

BONUS ROUND Done the Purity Test before?

Gotten a negative score?

-20

Complained about The Gateway on

-10

social media? Are you doing this test in class?

In a bar?

Online?

Even though you’re not a student anymore?

Wondered why George R. R. Martin doesn’t

just finish the damn books already?

SUBTOTAL GRAND TOTAL

Yours may be the fury, but if there’s one thing Baratheons are better at than getting into every sort of fight imaginable, it’s having fun. A more appropriate house motto might be “here for a good time, not a long time.” Whether you’re making the eight, or steadily destroying your liver, you know how to party. Just don’t go hunting while hammered — it won’t end well.

(251-375 POINTS) HOUSE LANNISTER Though you may look poised and regal, you’re one of the biggest shit-stirrers in King’s Landing. You’ll screw — or screw over — anyone you damn well please, and you’re more than happy to put any upstart houses in their place (suck it, Tyrells!). Sure, you might occasionally find yourself getting pelted with rotten produce or poisoned at your own wedding, but that’s okay. After all, you always pay your debts (well, except maybe your student loans).

(375+ POINTS) HOUSE TARGARYEN Bitches better bend the knee, because you’re a force to be reckoned with. If anyone’s equipped to run this mother, it’s you, the Mother of Dragons. You’re the hottest monarch around (literally and figuratively), you’d never let any stuffy old lords tell you what to do, and you’ve probably invented at least one questionable sex act. Keep those murderous impulses in check, and you should be just fine. Remember: you are a dragon. Be a dragon! g

FEBRUARY 2020 31

DIVERSIONS

HOROSCOPES TEXT JONATHAN HOCNALON VISUALS PETER ELIMA

ARIES

TAURUS

GEMINI

CANCER

You’ve been feeling pretty spicy lately. Just don’t get heated over every little thing — some things are beyond your control.

Mistakes were made, so take a step back and re-evaluate. You’ll get it next time.

You feel like you’re going to have a bad time. The next steps will test your determination, so don’t lose sight of your original goals.

200+ hours of binge watching K-dramas has empowered you to rebuild and learn from your mistakes. Trust that you’ll make the right call.

BE THE TEACHER THEY’LL ALWAYS REMEMBER

CMY

KINGSU.CA/EDUCATION 32 GTWY.CA

Edmonton’s Christian University

DIVERSIONS

LEO

VIRGO

LIBRA

SCORPIO

When in doubt about what to say next, think: what would Keanu Reeves do?

Despite major instability, you’re determined to retake your life. Strife can be a great motivator and mentor, just don’t make it your lover.

Finally, the countless hours spent on analyzing Shakespeare will come in handy for once. Get ready for a mixed bag of history, tragedy, and history.

You’ve flex taped your problems and are ready to move on. Be more open with the people around you; it’ll be better than you think.

SAGITTARIUS

CAPRICORN

AQUARIUS

PISCES

You’re feeling better after yeeting some burdens, but uncertainty lingers. Broaden your perspective to find the next long-term goal.

You’re going to have trouble managing your relationships soon. Get ready to make some big brain plays.

Your last relationship ended badly. If there was ever a reason to get the squad together over homemade comfort food, it’s now.

The grind hasn’t granted much success, so get ready to switch gears. It’s time to go even further beyond. g

GET YOUR TICKETS ONLINE

uOFa student account manager Student Account Manager provides students access to their free tickets for Golden Bears & Pandas regular season conference events as well as their University of Alberta student pricing for conference playoff events. Students will be able to redeem and manage their tickets on their mobile device.

betheroar.ca @bearsandpandas

FEBRUARY 2020 33

DIVERSIONS

CROSSWORD TEXT & PUZZLE HALEY DANG

ACROSS 3. 4. 6. 7. 10. 12. 13. 14.

A romantic dish with a communal dipping pot. Another word for “smooch.” Stupid _____, stop pickin’ on me. The O’s in XOXO. A relaxing getaway for you and your boo. This month’s birthstone. A 1965 Nat King Cole album. Not cool with cuddles and kisses? Here’s an alternative. 15. Candy hearts with messages of love stamped on them.

DOWN 1. 2. 5. 8. 9. 10.

Give your special someone a dozen of these. Occurs this year on February 29th. An area of science — and an element of romance. Musical award show that takes place in February. Type of red wine. ____ Education; a series on Netflix (also, a popular V-day activity). 11. A classic date setup: take them out to ______.

Find answers on our website, gtwy.ca

Traveling Tickle Trunk is pleased to sponsor The Purity Test

Student Admission: $10 ($8 Matinée) Metro Cinema is a community-based non-profit society devoted to the exhibition and promotion of Canadian, international, and independent film and video. metrocinema.org

Edmonton’s favourite adult toy store Drop by the store and tell us you took the purity test and get 15% off your purchase until February 15th or use the code ‘puritytest’ online. 9923 82 Avenue Edmonton, AB travelingtickletrunk.com

34 GTWY.CA

Arrival February 5 @ 7PM A linguist works with the military to communicate with alien lifeforms after twelve mysterious spacecraft appear around the world.

Come to Daddy Opens February 13 Norval arrives at the remote coastal cabin of his estranged father, who he quickly discovers is a disapproving jerk, who also has a shady past. Now, hundreds of miles from his cushy comfort zone, Norval must battle with demons in order to reconnect with a father he barely knows.

Howl’s Moving Castle

Feb 29 @ 1PM (dub), Mar 4 @ 2PM (sub) When an unconfident young woman is cursed with an old body by a spiteful witch, her only chance of breaking the spell lies with a selfindulgent yet insecure young wizard and his companions in his walking castle.

Metro Cinema at the Garneau 8712-109 Street | metrocinema.org

Metro Cinema receives ongoing support from these Arts Funders:

DIVERSIONS

2 3

4 5 7

8 9

13 14

)

on ,

FEBRUARY 2020 35

DIVERSIONS

Jack Stewardson Presents: “Round Midnight” Fat-Tire “Last Stroke of Midnight”, aA Fat Tire Vegabond Vagabond adventure @koolestman It seemed like my Ole’ Bike Riding, Barbarian Self was caught up in some kind of scheme. Lucky for me, It was my old Partner who did the catching.

Created by: Jack Stewardson the ‘gram: koolestman

01 P 01 P 01 B 07 P 07 B 07 B 08 P 08 B 08 B 14 P 15 P

Yup, It Felt Just like Old Times... We used to be Invincible back on the Force...

QUick Bike Brotha’, We Don’t Have a Lot of Time!!

C Well, Look what the Cat Dragged in: Jae Money. I could’ve handled that Goon on my own ya know!!

Boy, We Don’t have time for this Moonlighting BullShit! Either get killed or Get on My level so we can figure who put the hit on your Short-short Wearin’ Ass!

‘Course, Back in those days we weren’t fightin’ Vampires or punks in tuxs with some assorted Hand tools.

CMY

Violence!! Danger!!!

To be Continued... 36 GTWY.CA

FEBRUARY 01 Pandas Hockey vs Regina 2:00pm 01 Pandas Volleyball vs Calgary 5:00pm 01 Bears Volleyball vs Calgary 6:30pm 07 Pandas Basketball vs Saskatchewan 6:00pm 07 Bears Hockey vs Manitoba 7:00pm 07 Bears Basketball vs Saskatchewan 8:00pm 08 Pandas Basketball vs Saskatchewan 5:00pm 08 Bears Basketball vs Saskatchewan 7:00pm 08 Bears Hockey vs Manitoba 7:00pm 14 Pandas Volleyball vs Regina 7:30pm 15 Pandas Volleyball vs Regina 5:00pm

REMAINING WINTER semester home games C

COMING TO EDMONTON MARCH 5-7, 2020 UNIVERSIADE PAVILION

GET YOUR TICKETS ONLINE

uOFa student account manager

Student Account Manager provides students access to their free tickets for Golden Bears & Pandas regular season conference events as well as their University of Alberta student pricing for conference playoff events. Students will be able to redeem and manage their tickets on their mobile device or desktop computer.

betheroar.ca *some restrictions apply. visit betheroar.ca to learn more.

Apply now!

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