September 2019 23
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Wherever YOU are in the world, this is YOUR TRIBE, we together we are ONE TRIBE. What I Learned About ‘Building A Better Business Brain’ From The Garbage Man: A ‘Love’ Note. Dr. Brynn Winegard You Are The Designer Of Your Dream Life Nina Sadlowsky Be Your Body’s Biggest Cheerleader Karyn Holt The Love Camera Burt Kempner How Marie Kondo Changed My Life Stephanie Conway The Power Of Now Christine Schlonski Assassin’s Creed Dawn Bates Coming Home To Your Soul Juliette Wells A Journey To Wholeness And Completenes Winnie Mabena What To Do When No One Showed You How To Have Hot Sex, Love And Closeness Joanna Intara Want To Be A Positive Thinker 3 Things You Really Need To Know Robert Landau The Formula For Success Begins With A K.i.s.s Vanessa Louise Birt Meditation Sandra G. M. Jarvis Looking Fo Butterflies Andy Ferguson & Larry Rosenberg, Phd Words Matter Jennifer Thorp My Story Christina Bartlet Healing Your Inner Children Through Your Journaling Journey Charmaine Barber The Halt Phase Mercy Juma If Only You Could LISTEN Lyn Halvorsen I Was Scared To Be Happy Samantha Caroline Lavallée
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When feeling aligned, I feel the power within me that I am the designer of my dreams and my dream life.
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– Nina Sadlowsky
Our cover features the fabulous Nina Sadlowsky (above) International Results Coach & Speaker, Yoga Instructor, Essential Oils Lover from Munich, Germany. You can read Nina’s inspired article ‘You are the designer of your dream life’ on page 8. One Tribe Magazine will transform the way you see yourself and the world around you. So, get ready to LIVE YOUR LIFE, as our creative writers share fresh perspectives, inspiring stories and simple, easy-to-follow steps that will help you find a happy, rewarding and fulfulled life. We would like to thank our fabulous creative writers for their amazing insights and you, our wonderful readers for your continued support over these 23 issues. Have a fabulous month and remember to share the love and live your life in glorious technicolour. – Kenny Ball (Editor and Creative Director) (Please note our writers are from all over the globe where there are variations in English dialect, to preserve authenticity we have retained these variations throughout the magazine). Photos and text are Copyright to the respective authors and OTM. © 2019 One Tribe Magazine | OneTribeMagazine.com | OneTribe.Media
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What I Learned About ‘Building A Better Business Brain’ From The Garbage Man: A ‘Love’ Note. Dr. Brynn Winegard | 04 You Are The Designer Of Your Dream Life Nina Sadlowsky | 08 Be Your Body’s Biggest Cheerleader Karyn Holt | 12 The Love Camera Burt Kempner | 15 How Marie Kondo Changed My Life Stephanie Conway | 16 The Power Of Now Christine Schlonski | 20 Assassin’s Creed Dawn Bates | 24 Coming Home To Your Soul Juliette Wells | 26 A Journey To Wholeness And Completenes Winnie Mabena | 30 What To Do When No One Showed You How To Have Hot Sex, Love And Closeness Joanna Intara | 32 Want To Be A Positive Thinker 3 Things You Really Need To Know Robert Landau | 34 The Formula For Success Begins With A K.i.s.s Vanessa Louise Birt | 36 Meditation Sandra G. M. Jarvis | 40 Looking Fo Butterflies Andy Ferguson & Larry Rosenberg, Phd | 42 Words Matter Jennifer Thorp | 46 My Story Christina Bartlet | 46 Healing Your Inner Children Through Your Journaling Journey Charmaine Barber | 48 The Halt Phase Mercy Juma | 50 If Only You Could LISTEN Lyn Halvorsen | 52 I Was Scared To Be Happy Samantha Caroline Lavallée | 54
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Dr. Brynn Winegard | Business-Brain Expert
Ranked 4th in the world for human behavior experts working in business, Dr. Brynn is an award-winning professor, professional speaker, and expert in business-brain sciences. After a decade in corporate marketing and a career as a business professor, today, Dr. Brynn can be found year-round on stages and screens all over the world departing frontier insights from brainscience in order that you can be better in all you do, personally and professionally. Dr. Brynn combines real-world experience with frontier research to deliver impactful programming that will be sure to elevate your daily business. Dr. Brynn has worked with the world’s top organizations – Google, Coca-Cola, Toyota, Pfizer, Johnson & Johnson, Nestle, USAA, Franklin Templeton, Raymond James, Georgia Pacific – among hundreds more. When Dr. Brynn isn’t speaking, she is a regularly featured expert commentator in television, radio, and print.
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What I Learned About
‘Building a Better Business Brain’ from the Garbage Man: A ‘Love’ Note.
OneTribeMagazine.com | 5
‘hustling’ in what can sometimes feel like thankless, lonely, never-ending, potentiallyboring, patience-draining, challenging endeavors - I say bravo, and keep at it: I see you, value your efforts, and believe you deserve all the rewards that will inevitably come to you through your labors. You give me hope, faith, life - thank you for doing it, for trying so hard, for perfecting your craft, for keeping at it when no one was watching or asked you to.
Today I witnessed a sanitation engineer doing a fantastic job of picking up what was a sloppily piled, leaking set of gross looking bags at one of his stops: he carefully handled each one, placing each in an orderly fashion in the back-compaction area of his truck, stopping at one point to re-tie a bag curb-side, so it wouldn’t leak on its way as he placed it in. About 15 feet away, at his next stop, he opened a bin, threw the un-bagged contents into the back and carefully and specifically re-lidded the cans and organized them neatly in a straight line so as to keep them out of the pathway of future pedestrians or vehicles and in a position for much easier hauling by their owner(s) at day’s end. Like you, I’ve probably seen a hundred refuse collection agents pick up thousands of bags of trash in my lifetime, and I’ve almost never stopped to really observe their methods; though I have on occasion idly remarked what a hurry they were in; how haphazardly they threw the trash bin back onto the owners lawn; what disarray they had left behind in their hurry; perhaps that they had missed a bag or item or two; etc. Though all was forgiven: It’s likely a hard job to love and harder still to do to everyone’s liking - everyone’s a critic, aren’t they? Tiring, smelly, thankless, repetitive and never-ending - being a waste management professional seems to have more cons than pros. Which is why, this trash removal specialist was remarkable to me: for no extra pay, while he believed no one was watching, for no direct personal gain, to his greater expenditure of effort, attention, and time, he was doing a fantastic, thoughtful, orderly, conscientious job. And this got me thinking... I love when I see ordinary people doing an extraordinary job of something - when they really apply themselves; try hard; pay attention; give their whole head, heart, and soul to something - it gives me renewed faith in life, and hope, and civilization, and it gives me that all-over-tingly feeling - the ‘warm and fuzzies’ - that I just love. In my head I refer to this self-application, labor, effort, pride of craftsmanship, ownership, attention to detail, initiative, and energy as ‘hustle’ and in my mind’s definition it doesn’t include qualities like ‘used-car-salesmanship’, ‘taking advantage’, ‘forceful action’, ‘applying ‘spin’’, ‘enforcing undue influence’ or ‘hurriedness’ - it means just good old, old-fashioned, elbow-grease and hard work. And as my late Grandmother instilled in me, there’s absolutely no shame
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I’m on your side, but so is the relevant research: as it turns out, research corroborates that those with the cognitive wherewithal, discipline, focus and patience to do a good job for the purpose and satisfaction merely of having done so are *much* more likely to succeed in this world - with or without formally recognized ‘talent’ and ahead of the non-hustling ‘talented’ folks for sure. in hard work, no matter what that hard work is - even and especially in rubbish removal. It all got me thinking - why do I like ‘hustle’ so much…what about just plain and simple raw talent? Why does hard work tickle me so pleasantly while ‘talent’ has been known to prickle? I’m reminded here of Einstein’s assertion “Genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration”...
It turns out you really do create your own fate and success - one effortful, laborious, difficult, challenging moment at a time; one foot in front of the other even when the going gets rough. I hear you, I see you, I thank you, I’m with you: and here’s to you Mr. Garbage Man! To help you along as you shoot for the stars, today, I leave you with these wise words from other people:
In my work as a professor, researcher, expert, professional speaker, ‘talent’ is often taken to mean intellectual capacity - formal intelligence - the ‘smartness’ of the naturally ‘superior’; while ‘hustle’ is the labor, repetition, work, and effort of more normal folk.
“The world belongs to the energetic.” – Emerson
But here’s the rub: the most successful people I know or have ever met, and indeed the ones comprising the subjects of the vast majority of ‘great’ biographies I’ve read, weren’t, aren’t, the most ‘talented’ folks.
“The ones who say you can’t are just afraid you will.” – Unknown
The most successful people were and continue to be the hardest working - the ‘hustlers’, according to the above definition: the longest suffering; the ones who got knocked down 8 times but got up 9; the ones who kept at it with consistency, patience, focus, pride of craftsmanship, self-discipline, responsibility, ownership, self-application, psychic investment, attention to detail, interest, task absorption even in the face of doubt, trial, tribulation, obstacles, nay-sayers, limited resources, low probabilities, no visibility, no hope of extra compensation ...traits that could easily be ascribed to the debris collection administrator I witnessed today. So, to him - and to all of you out there
“Without labor nothing prospers.” – Sophocles “Hustle in silence. Let your success make the Noise.” – Frank Ocean
“Hustle isn’t just working on the things you like. It means doing things you don’t enjoy so someday you can do the things you love.” - Unknown “Success is never owned, it’s rented. And the rent is due every damn day.” - Unknown “Opportunity looks a lot like hard work.” – Ashton Kutcher “Hustle beats talent when Talent doesn’t hustle.” – Ross Simmonds
Keep up to date with Dr Brynn Winegard
Connect with Dr. Brynn at www.drbrynn.com or www.youtube.com/DrBrynnLWinegard
OneTribeMagazine.com | 7
Designer You are the
of your dream life.
Nina Sadlowsky | International Results Coach & Speaker, Yoga Instructor, Essential Oils Lover.
Have you ever felt really good, inspired and energized? Have you ever thought that you would love to keep this feeling as long as possible? And have you ever wondered how you could recall and repeat this feeling?
And this is where we are able to design our life the way we truly want to live it. Healthy, happy and authentic. I made it happen and I still do every day. Because the transformation doesn’t stop here, it continues, it grows us so much, that we are not only transforming ourselves, but others, as this feeling of alignment, this light and power just magnetically transfers onto the people around us.
Yes, exactly, so I started asking myself the following question when I felt good and full of inspiration and energy: “Is this what it feels like when we are aligned?”
So, always remember:
In order to answer that question, I observed my thoughts and feelings intensively over days, weeks, months and even years. How? By being fully present, by meditating, moving my body, practicing yoga and having my coaches by my side.
“You hold the power to make this shift happen.” These past years, I have observed my thoughts, I have observed my feelings, I have questioned them, I have tracked them back, I have allowed myself to truly feel Nina fully without avoiding, without fearing, without ignoring. Now, I understand even more, how important it is to give things time.
And I’ve come to understand that “Yes, that’s it, this is what feeling aligned means to me.” These last two words, however, are critical, as you will experience that powerful feeling of alignment differently than I do.
“Because time is a good revealer of what’s really true.”
Nevertheless, I want to share my perspective on this feeling of alignment, as I’ve been able to experience it in such a positive and transformational way. I noticed that my thoughts are simply the children of my emotions, meaning when I’m in a positive mood and emotion, my thoughts tend to be more positive. However, it also works the other way around, being in a negative mood means I’ve been thinking more negative thoughts. It is as simple as that. Now, here’s the problem of this vicious circle, so let’s turn it around. If I have negative thoughts, a negative emotion is very likely to follow, and again it also works for my positive thoughts inducing positive emotions. The conclusion: “Be aware of your thoughts. They are the children of your emotions.” 8 | OneTribeMagazine.com
I happily noticed that • We always hold the power to shift our thoughts and hence our emotions. • We can decide to think positively at all times. • We have to actively and consistently practice mind and body work to allow these shifts to happen. • Once we do give ourselves that permission, we will experience true alignment and transformation.
To clarify, if you are caught up in a situation that annoys you, if someone makes a comment that triggers you, if you feel angry, sad or confused, I encourage you to not instantly react anymore (there are exceptions of course, we are just human). But, do your best instead to let this feeling run through you and to give it time to rest. When this feeling really settles somewhere within you and you cannot let go of it, you can still react at a later stage with a much clearer mind whilst speaking from your heart; but if this feeling doesn’t settle, then why would you react, right? Because every reaction requires your valuable energy, so why don’t you just step back for a bit to find out if it really messes up with your
alignment or not? This should make clear that not every situation or person requires your (immediate) reaction and is worth your energy. “Be aware of your energy.” Another thought I have around feeling aligned is that I truly believe that things happen for a reason. If something unpleasant happens in my life, I really do my best to remind myself that there must be a good reason for this happening, that this is a sign of the universe that something even better is just waiting for me around the corner. So, I decided to stop feeding the fires that drain me and that I cannot change anyways, and instead to focus on the things that I can change and feed them with love. “Stop feeding the fire. Feed love instead.” The quicker we accept the universal power, the quicker we accept our power, the more aligned we will feel, the more we can transform ourselves and the more we can design our dream lives. Another very important factor in designing our dream lives is the practice of letting go. Letting go of being right, but rather remembering that your reality is different than mine, that our realities differ. So, the term ‘being right’ doesn’t appear
reasonable anymore, as it is always a matter of perspective. That’s it. Don’t hold on to thoughts, emotions, things, people, opinions; they change, they evolve, they flow, they develop, but they never stand still, so instead of focusing on being right, let’s shift our attention to the associated feeling in the moment, and to what comes afterwards, which is alignment, space for the new and the freedom to design our life. Also, and I know it may sound ironic, but most of the time when I cannot let go, it is definitely time to let go. “When you cannot let go, it is definitely time to let go.” Letting go is closely connected to the feeling of alignment. I perceived that if something is aligned with me, be it a job, money, a house, a partner or a friend, it will stay. It will simply stay! It’s all about trust. When we trust life, when we trust the universe, when we understand that we are all connected and not on our own in this beautiful world that we live in, then the universe conspires to bring us lightness, happiness and positive transformation. In a feeling of trust, we don’t have to cling to people or things, we don’t have to control everything, we can simply let go and trust that with letting go, our lives will start shifting to the better and to a life by design.
“If it’s aligned, it will stay.” When I’m feeling aligned, I refer to a feeling of greatness and inspiration, of feeling strong and energized. In a state of alignment, I trust that everything will come to me when the time is right and when I’m ready to receive it. When feeling aligned, I feel the power within me that I am the designer of my dreams and my dream life. And I know that you have the power, too, to be the designer of your dream life. Align, transform and design your life for the results you desire. “You are the designer of your dream life.” May you live it healthily, happily and authentically! Yours, Nina
Keep up to date with Nina Sadlowsky
OneTribeMagazine.com | 9
“
When I’m feeling aligned, I refer to a feeling of greatness and inspiration, of feeling strong and energized. In a state of alignment, I trust that everything will come to me when the time is right and when I’m ready to receive it. – Nina Sadlowsky
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Be Your
Body’s Biggest Cheerleader Karyn Holt | Change Maker at Transform Be You.
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“
Helping ladies love their bodies & exude sexual confidence – we’re bringing sexy back! – Karyn Holt OneTribeMagazine.com | 13
Do you look at your naked body in the mirror and one area of your body just shouts “Me! I’m here, look at me!” And then that’s it, that’s all you see? That was me for most of my adult life, all I saw was my rounded tummy, my “swimmer’s” legs and my boobs that would fail the pencil test! I hated, no I loathed my body and I was 18 years old.
and we all strutted our stuff, we wiggled our walk, we brought our sexy back … it was super empowering and a huge confidence builder! I joined a troupe and started participating in shows and let me tell you that there is no bigger buzz than hearing 100 people cheering you no to take your clothes off, regardless of your shape and size!
Through my late teens and early 20s I chose poor partners because I was scared of being alone. If a guy showed me attention, good or bad, I’d be hooked and it didn’t take them long to make me feel even worse about how I looked, calling me names like ‘fat’ or ‘thunder thighs’. The more I heard those names, the more my mind brought into those words until they whirled around my head 24/7 and I believed every single word. It got to the point where I couldn’t look at myself in the mirror and when it came to letting my partner see me naked and sex, well it just didn’t happen because I believed that my partner would just be turned off by my bouncing boobs, wobbly tummy and jiggly thighs!
Then I had to have a total hysterectomy at the age of 42, so now I had cellulite, stretch marks, jiggly thighs, bouncy boobs AND a smiley, wobbly tummy! Whilst my confidence didn’t drop back to zero, it did plummet considerably. I was now single so the thought of anyone seeing me naked filled me with dread and I would repel any advances from guys. All of those negative thoughts and beliefs returned and I went back to not being able to look at myself in the mirror without feeling complete disgust at the sight! Nobody body shamed me more than I did myself, I felt unsexy, unattractive, unconfident … I was Bridget Jones re-incarnated
I tried all sorts to change my body shape… silly fad diets, ridiculous exercise regimes or starving myself but nothing worked for long and when I stopped doing these things, I was worse off than before I’d even started. When I look back now I can’t believe how badly I treated myself but at that time I didn’t know any better. Fast forward a few decades, and a baby later, and I discovered burlesque. Quite by chance I came across an advert on Facebook for lessons so I persuaded a girl friend to come with me because I thought it would be a giggle! Well it was most certainly a giggle, the group was ladies of different ages and shapes 14 | OneTribeMagazine.com
Then, last year, I studied Rapid Transformational Hypnotherapy and I got to the root cause of my negative beliefs. This poor body image stemmed from when I was 7 years old and I had just taken a ballet exam. My elderly ballet teacher and the examiner said that even though I’d excelled at my exam I would never been a professional dancer because I was too short and chubby! Wow, what a thing to say to a child! Since discovering the root cause, I have become my body’s biggest cheerleader! I tell myself how amazing my body is, how wonderful that it functions properly, that I can move freely and it does what I ask it to. I now look at my tummy and see it as the place I ‘grew’ my beautiful
daughter, the stretch marks remind me of that wonderful experience and I embrace my curves, they are part of my unique journey called life, they make me who I am! Your mind responds so much more to compliments you pay yourself because you have no agenda! And do you know what has happened? Since I have started loving my body, being grateful for it, feeding it nourishing food and exercising, it is loving me back! It is becoming the natural shape and size it was born to be. I have got my sexy back and I no longer worry about what people think about my body any more because it’s only my opinion that matters! Also, I want people to find me attractive because of who I am inside and that is happening because I am radiating confidence and happiness. If people judge me based on what I look like rather than who I am inside, I don’t want them in my life. Let’s face it, when we receive an Amazon delivery we don’t get excited about the packaging, you get excited about what’s inside! So I am now using my new found body and sexual confidence to help other women do the same, to love their bodies and to bring their sexy back because life is too short being negative and not living a completely fulfilled, satisfied and happy life! There is one of you so go out there and rock your stuff!
Keep up to date with Karyn Holt
The Love Camera Burt Kempner | Independent Writer/Producer & Author
Suppose there were a camera capable of recording, at the precise moment of death, the sum total of the love the dying person had generated throughout his or her life. There would be no possibility of Photoshopping or otherwise distorting the data. The miraculous camera would take into account factors like child abuse, war, grinding poverty, prejudice and other things that might have hindered love’s natural development. Insincere or showy acts of affection would also be factored in. Suppose further that your Final Love Total (FLT) would be the ultimate measure of success in your life, not how much wealth you accumulated, power you wielded, buildings you built or the number of men, women and children you slew. Future obituary: “So and So, age 74, died on Thursday, March 12. He had an FLT of +12, and was a tireless uplifter of those whose lives he touched.” The Love Camera will never judge or punish you, no matter what, but neither does it blink. I believe that camera already exists. I call it Spirit while others prefer Karma, the Great Mystery, God, cosmic consciousness or no name at all. We all long to give and receive love, but some of us cloak it expertly. Who knows? Perhaps in some marvelous workshop beyond time and space, an updated camera is being developed right now that will not only measure love but remove fear. Think of it: less fear, more of the love we hunger for in our souls. Eat your heart out, Apple.
Keep up to date with Burt Kempner
OneTribeMagazine.com | 15
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HOW
MARIE KONDO CHANGED MY LIFE
Stephanie Conway | Yogi, Diver & Owner Founder of Symphony VA
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that minimize your abilities, it can be the trigger that shoots you in the direction you were meant to head. There will always be someone who says you’re not smart enough, you’re not pretty enough or you’re not good enough. I could go on about the woman at work who belittled everything I said or did, or about the family members who couldn’t understand why I wasn’t married with kids yet, or the judgements from acquaintances and close-friends in the town I was from. It’s an inevitable part of life, but it doesn’t mean that you should put up with it. Whatever people say or do to you (if it’s unprovoked), is always a reflection of how they feel about themselves. As soon as you can own this truth, you take your power back. Owning your power is what will take you from fitting into other peoples expectations to living life on your own terms. Cut out the bad friendships, cut off the negative people who bring you down, who suck the life out of you - I promise you’ll never look back.
Not only is Marie Kondo a household name, she’s also synonymous with being tidy. Her entire brand is cutely referred to as “inspiring people to choose joy and complete their tidying adventures”. But if you’ve ever seen my bedroom, you’ll know that being tidy is not my forte. However, I have watched a few episodes of her Netflix show, comparing the mountains of komono (miscellaneous items) that everyday people have accumulated to my own. This was during a time when I was back living at home in the UK. My days were filled with rain, working in a fluorescent-lit office at a job I was made to feel miserable at and surrounded by people who loved to complain like it was a hobby. I suffered from mild depression and had the NHS prescription for Citalopram to prove it. Mental illness is one of those things that can’t be compared. It’s a sickness, and just telling people to get over their feelings isn’t an option. You really have to fight to get out of it, and if you’re reading this and it strikes a chord, please know that you are not alone.
I was on such a high from getting rid of the sources of poison from my life that I quit my job… yep, that’s right I quit because it didn’t bring me joy.
On her show, she has a cleaning method of ‘only keeping things that bring joy’ and getting rid of the rest. It’s beautiful to watch Marie swans into people’s lives and changes them for the better. If you haven’t seen the show, I highly recommend it. As I watched her giving gratitude to a pair of yoga pants in yet another messy bedroom, it hit me. Maybe applying this method to my life might help get me out of this hole. I knew I didn’t want to live with this dark cloud of depression over me forever and knew I needed to change. So, I decided to Marie Kondo my life. I started by clearing out most of my belongings, using the ‘only keep things that bring me joy’ method. Once I had cleared out bin bags full of clothes I hadn’t worn in years, everything became more clear. Not only did my room have the space to breathe, but I had space to breathe as well. I realised that one of the biggest stressors in life is the number of things we have. We don’t need all the stuff. It clutters our houses and our heads. Somehow this newfound tidying method helped clear my mind. With fewer worldly possessions to my name, I felt at peace knowing where things were, and that I didn’t have boxes under my bed filled with shoes I would never wear. Then, I began using the same method on social media. I’ve worked in marketing for 18 | OneTribeMagazine.com
So after cutting ties I didn’t need because they didn’t bring me joy, I was able to pull my socks up and start my own company. This company was going to be for me, by me and entirely my responsibility, win or lose. I also decided to move myself, to only be in places that bring me joy (places with plenty of sunlight!). I am currently travelling throughout South East Asia, and as a rule I only work for clients that bring me joy and only surround myself with positive people. Sure, there might be bad days - but those bad days are now on my terms, not anyone else’s.
most of my adult life, so I’ve never been far away from a social feed. All of that staring at a skewed version of someone’s life can really take its toll on you. So, one by one, I began to delete any accounts that made me feel bad about myself. From former friends and acquaintances to girls I had never met who flaunted their luxurious lives all over the ‘gram. Gone, gone gone. It felt so liberating. I was finally free of feeling bad that I wasn’t a size 0 or living on a yacht in the Bahamas. I took it so far that I began to cut off poisonous relationships with people in real life. When people make assumptions
Now I have a healthy amount of inspiring clients from all over the world, I’ve been featured in Forbes for my entrepreneurial journey and I’m loving every day in ways that I couldn’t imagine at the beginning of the year. I’m also slowly wheening myself off the depression meds. Life’s too short to allow unnecessary things into your life that don’t bring you joy. Try Marie Kondo,
Keep up to date with Stephanie Conway
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Whatever people say or do to you (if it’s unprovoked), is always a reflection of how they feel about themselves. As soon as you can own this truth, you take your power back. – Stephanie Conway
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NOW The Power of
Christine Schlonski The Queen of the Sales-Success-Mindset, is a multi-talented leader in the field of Sales-Success, Motivation, and Strategies.
Stop JUST dreaming. Act NOW! Is actually my famous tagline that I include in almost all I write. In the NOW is POWER and MAGIC. Only now we can change what we desire to change, we can make new decisions. Often we are too busy with life and we forget to live. We are so busy with others people’s problems and challenges that we forget where we want to go, what kind of lifestyle we desire and what we want to create, what kind of impact we want to have and what kind of legacy we want to leave. Life can be short. We forget that. We 20 | OneTribeMagazine.com
follow a path, a career; we have things to do that seem so important and often so urgent. But do they matter? Often I miss the sunset because I sit at my PC or I talk to a coaching client and I am sucked into what I love doing. I want to get things done and I miss this unique opportunity just to enjoy a simple sunset, to observe the beautiful, vast sky that changes colors from a pastel rose to a darker orange and a red. Just yesterday I had that experience and I stopped for a while admiring the sky the beautiful colors like an aquarelle in an art gallery or museum. Only now it was real,
it was mother nature herself, it was life and it was alive. At this moment I thought to myself – I need to do this more often, it is so beautiful. Yesterday, I was reminded by mother nature that it is the little things in life that add up to the richest experiences. It is the beauty we surround ourselves with and the wonderful moments we spend with our loved ones that make life worth living that give us the energy to create and give back. The little things count. The flower, the smile, the blue sky, the sunshine, the summer breeze caressing our face, the
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Follow your heart no matter how silly it seems or how strange the desire. Give yourself permission to do what feels great to you. – Christine Schlonski
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to go to Sedona one day was planted, and as I planned my next trip to the US, I actually googled Sedona. I wanted to stop dreaming and act now. I wanted to go with the flow and be guided. I wanted to learn to trust more and just to be. So I booked a whole week in Sedona, not knowing what to do, where to go. The only element I decided on was to be in flow as often as I could and to listen to my heart and to follow whatever my heart tells me. Once I had arrived in Sedona, I started to look for things to do. I started to learn about Sedona and its magic. And one step at the time I discovered all the wonderful things, without an agenda. I was in flow the entire week and I was amazed by what was possible when I actually listen to my heart, followed my heart and took action, even though I was scared sometimes. Each day I got up with the sunrise to spend it mediation in some magical place. Each day I ask myself, What is next? What do I want to do? What feels right for me? How can I take my business to the next level? How can I serve more people? How can I have a life that feels fulfilled? How can I be happier? What can I do to shine, to play full out, and to let go of the fear, the doubt?
laughter, the cat that comes for a cuddle, the dog that smiles at you... When we are happy in the now, when we feel loved and appreciated, when we feel alive that is what it is all about. These are all the moments that enrich our experience. Too many times, we might not follow our hearts; we might not take action because we do not dare. We are worried about what others think and say about us, especially our friends and family. And if you feel this way right now, you are right. I hear you. I have been there. The moment I decided differently, the moment I decided to trust my feelings and my intuition and I started to follow my heart, my life changed. The moment I was ok with being judged, I was much better off. The moment I realized it is ok to be me a heavyweight dropped off my shoulders. To be honest, this was not an easy path to take. Sometimes it is still difficult to make this decision again and again and again. Standing up for myself and not being the norm by walking down my path, following my heart, going for my passion, doing what I feel is right for 22 | OneTribeMagazine.com
me... Going against a certain norm, against certain expectations is not easy, BUT this is the ONLY time magic happens. I would love for you to experience the same, to create life on your terms, to follow your heart no matter how silly it seems or how strange the desire. Give yourself permission to do what feels great to you. Two years ago,I gave myself this permission. Two years ago, I decided to go full in and play full out. I had started my business as a side gig to support heart-centered entrepreneurs to sell from their hearts being authentic because I knew that this should be the new standard, the new norm. Now I had to step up and show up and play full out. Because how can you expect people to follow you if you do not walk your talk? So I decided to make: #followyourheart my rule, my norm, my standard. How would I do this? Well, following the little pointers my heart gave me. A couple of years before this decision, I had read a book by Paulo Coelho. In the book, he talks about Sedona, about the land, the spirit that lives there. Somehow the wish
This week was magical. This was the first time probably in my entire life that I had taken so much time for soul searching without any agenda, without any place to be, without any appointments. If you have the chance to do something like this, don’t wait. Get to know yourself, get to trust yourself and act. Act now! Life is way too short. Create the business you want to create NOW! Make the impact you want to make NOW! Tell the people you love that you love them NOW! Don’t wait! Life is NOW, live it your way! Stop JUST dreaming. Act NOW!
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MA G AZINE
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ASSASSIN’S CREED Dawn Bates | International bestselling author, coach and speaker.
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A few issues back I wrote about my enquiry into masculine and feminine energies, and the talk about past lives.
Now onto the masculine and feminine energies. Let’s say in a past life we caused pain and suffering to women, does that mean we will come back as a woman to understand and heal the feminine wounds within ourselves and humanity as a whole? Is this why women outnumber men on the planet currently?
Recently when my eldest son came out to visit me and we watched the film Assassin’s Creed; and it took my questioning to a whole other level. Now if you haven’t seen this film, then let me explain just a little bit about it before I go on.
And for all those women who caused pain and suffering to men, have they now come back as a man to heal the masculine? Is this why we are both masculine and feminine? Ying and yang?
In the movie you have the son of a man who murders the young boy’s mother. Yep, father kills mother; not a very pleasant beginning of a film but bear with me.
To some this kind of questioning is a load of rubbish, mumbo jumbo and the remains of a bad acid trip, but again something to consider.
The film then jumps 2 decades, and you see the son sitting in the electric chair, accused and charged with murder. Not my normal kind of film, but again bear with me. In a twist of the tale the son is then transported to this facility where he is being asked to consider the concept that he is a murderer because he is the son of a murderer. In comes the Knight’s Templars and the protection of the Creed, along with the story of the Assassins. (I was please to see the writers of this particular movie has explained the Arabic origins of the word Assassins, but that’s for whole different discussion!) So, what on earth has this got to do with masculine and feminine energies and past lives? Well, let’s consider the ‘nature v’s nurture’ concept this film brings to the forefront. Are we inherently destined by nature to live out a particular life or are we nurtured towards it? Or is it both? Well if you accept past lives and destiny, you will more than likely agree with the concept that before we are born, we choose our parents; that we are here on earth to fulfil a predetermined path in life. As the film unfolded, my mind was overflowing with questions, ideas, inspirations and this article was born from this overflow; which my eldest son thought highly amusing. If this film’s concept, and the teachings of spirituality is to be taken to the next level, and believed, isn’t it highly possible that we are more pre-determined to a future than having the free will to live it as we choose? If we look at the Holy texts of the Abrahamic faiths then we have both a pre-determined future, as well as free will. But how can we have both? Well, we are free to choose in the
moment what happens to us, or as I like to believe, what happens for us. With free will it is up to us how we choose to live this journey called life, but with pre-determination, whatever happens, we are always going to end up in the same place and on the same path. It’s what ‘trust in God’s will’, ‘trusting in the Universe’ is all about. Or is it? When something we perceive as bad happens to us, we get to choose whether we become a victim of this situation, or we get to choose for it to empower us and make positive differences in our lives, and the lives of others. It’s going to happen to us anyway, right? So why not look for the good and rise, instead of looking for and at the bad and being a victim? In all three of the Holy texts it states ‘if you look for the good, then you will see the good; and if you look for the bad, you will see only bad’ so always look on the bright side of life and enjoy the journey. Now back to past lives. If we choose not to learn from the negatives, and we do not rise in our power, enabling positive change in the world, is this the reason we come back to learn the lessons again? To heal the wounds of the past? To fulfil our destiny? Is this where the phrase “will you ever learn?” comes from? From those souls around us who travelled with us in a past life, who are now in our present life to help guide and support us to learn these lessons, to pass on our knowledge?
Those of us who have been here many times before, have we now come back to bring knowledge and wisdom, a new level of healing? What about those who, like me, have had two sons and no daughters. Have we fulfilled our healing of honouring the woman and so have no daughters? Is it now about us teaching our sons to honour women and the healing in our family is then done? But then where does that leave the father of my boys? The healing of men on his side of the family is much needed. Is that why I had two sons? We can explore these subjects forever and a day, but the whole point is to heal wounds of the past, learn from lessons of the past, because learning is never done. We are here on earth to learn, guide, teach and heal both ourselves and the planet. Our bodies and the planet are trusts giving to us by the Divine Creator. Our souls transcending through time and space, bringing with them ancient wisdom; and we can either numb our hearts and minds or we can expand them. Ultimately we are free to choose, or are we?
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Pretty mind-bending for some, simplicity for others, either way, something to ponder and think about. OneTribeMagazine.com | 25
Coming home
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to your soul Juliette Wells | Artist/Art Teacher, Intuitive Artist, Entrepreneur
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From a scattered lost mess to becoming a strong EMPOWERED woman. Coming from a place of alignment, empowerment and wholeness and so Grateful to be living a healthy, happy life.
feelings were going to be with me my entire life? It was time to heal. I just couldn’t do this anymore.
I think back at a time where this wasn’t the case. Imagine that feeling all the time.
You see what I didn’t realise was the loss of parts of the whole could weaken the system, Soul Loss is when a part of our life force becomes detached and is unavailable.
Growing up for so many of us we become disconnected from our soul (our true self).
Disowning parts of ourselves, blocking off emotions and running away from ourselves is what causes separation.
When you grow up with constant trauma, parts of your soul become so frightened or overwhelmed that it scatters.
It was obvious to her what was going on with me, using her professional and intuitive skills she got to work.
Or when you don’t accept parts of yourself, you disown them, which leaves you fragmented and in disharmony within your being.
We spent hours calling pieces of my soul back home and back together. It was a life-changer for me.
Have you ever felt homesick?
I have always had a feeling of belonging somewhere but started to believe I wouldn’t find that place in this lifetime. When I started connecting to myself is the moment I started to feel at home. A transformation within starts to happen when you truly look at this stuff. It doesn’t have to be scary or painful; you have to know what you’re dealing with and be willing to become uncomfortable within the process. Did you know Nothing is outside of us, always within, home is the soul place deep within our core, the place of nonjudgement that peaceful place inside. For many years I survived from a very disconnected place, feeling like I didn’t belong anywhere. I used to watch those people that had it all together. We all know that person, the one who is comfortable in their own skin, feeling emotions freely without any suppression and always on a mission having their thoughts aligned to their higher purpose. I longed to be that person wondering what I was doing wrong and how I was ever going to become her? It wasn’t until I went to see a holistic counsellor that my life began to change. I had no idea how to fix what was going on, and most of all I wanted to heal from the relentless feelings of homesickness and powerlessness that bubbled just under the surface. I was very afraid of where my life was going, or if these 28 | OneTribeMagazine.com
I intuitively felt I was finally home and that I could rest now. This is called “ Integration “ and this is where the healing process began. “COMING HOME TO YOURSELF IS INTEGRATING AND LOVING ALL THE MAJESTIC BEAUTIFUL PIECES OF YOUR SOUL “ Do you want your majestic, pure, beautiful soul back? You can become whole again, know that you can heal because we are all capable of healing anything and everything. That homesick feeling still visits but only when travelling and away from home too long. I sometimes get the feeling of being disconnected but now have the tools and knowledge to work on this quickly and somehow choosing to buy into the victim mentality and “that old safe feeling “ just doesn’t work or serve the new me anymore. You need to be willing to embrace every beautiful part of you and know you are worth it.
on without our body, even though it’s encapsulated by it. The soul is a mind that is clear of complaint, doubt and worry. It is able to make clear choices moment to moment without thinking about it. Meditation, Connecting with nature, Checking in with yourself throughout the day and living in the moment are all key elements to staying aligned and on track. What are the causes of Soul Loss? Apart from some of the obvious causes of Soul loss like serious surgery, accident, shock many other things can cause it too ~ Soul Loss can occur during emotional or physical trauma, such as an accident, abusive situation, sexual, emotional or physical, sudden shock to the system, disaster, divorce, psychic attack, or death of a loved one, even giving away your own power. Not all trauma leads to Soul Loss, and sometimes the Soul Fragments will return on their own, but often this is not the case. Are you suffering from Soul Loss? Good news! It can be fixed, you can heal this in you, and you can move on to live a happy, aligned healthy life. Embrace your wholeness. Attract supportive, healthy relationships that will nurture you and your new-found wholeness The Result for me was miraculous. You are not your story remember YOU can heal everything and anything with willingness and support.
Always remember to live in the moment and connect back to self, and most importantly stay in the body. Dancing is a great way to express yourself and connect with all parts of you. Do you ever notice sometimes you may become clumsy or accident prone? Obviously ruling out things like exhaustion or hunger etc. it means You May not grounded or in the body. The soul is the part of us that goes
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Attract supportive, healthy relationships that will nurture you and your new-found wholeness. – Juliette Wells
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Wholeness A Journey To
And Completeness
Winnie Mabena | Author and Founder of The Knowledge Effect One thing I have come to learn is that nobody will ever understand my vision as I do. For that, before anyone can believe in my dream, I must take ownership of it, especially when it gets tough and rough. I must believe in moving forward and dragging myself into action and draw myself to be my own inspiration. This is because when you wait on others to inspire you or to motivate you into your dream, in the event that you cannot be understood if you have not believed in your self first, you are prone to give in and give up.
As life is filled with its complexities, we all seek to find happiness and peace. This does not rule out the need to be whole, complete and feel love. That is everything changes when we begin to love ourselves. We then stop sending out the energy of desperation or need to be filled from the outside. This makes us become a powerful source within self that attracts better. The more we love ourselves, the less we will seek validation and approval. This is a journey to wholeness and completeness. However, due to life’s challenges, we often forget the need to care for self and work on self to be the best version and what our inner self believe we are. The challenges of life often drive us crazy that we nearly can forget to be active in self-care or even invest in the things that bring out the best of who and what we truly are; bold, beautiful, perfect and enough. Each one of us ought to make time for self to help self realise what it is exactly we so much desire, want, and what our bodies need. Taking care of oneself is not just about makeup or clothes or looks and hair. Self-love demands to let the guard off and letting your hair loose as often as possible. You must not allow yourself to be bound by your labels, knowing that limiting thoughts limit us. You must then let go of all negativity to be able to experience true freedom, true selfdevelopment and happiness. You must set your mind to positivity and remember the mind is your greatest asset, and the quality of your life is based on what you conceive in your mind. You are a master of your own life. Therefore you must not let circumstances make you second guess your worth. Take on a journey to delete all thoughts that distract you from seeing things beautiful and better as life may not be perfect, but you can create your dream life even amid challenges. Yours are a co-creator, and only positivity can bring positives to you. Learn to embrace only things that help you learn and set your spirit up high for
offering gratitude. This is deepened and more beneficial by understanding first what excites you and what motivates you. Be it, people, choose to be in the space of those that will always ignite positive energy. Be it places, go to places that create an experience you would love to feel again. We all are responsible for our own life. That self-love is the first task. We must create “me time”; time for self beyond the mirror and makeup. Self-love is a responsibility to know yourself better, meditate, finding out your bodily needs and working to address them. Beyond this, you must know you can make your self more in love with self and be happy by creating your dream life through visualisation, meditation and acts of gratitude. As you do this, remember how you treat others is often a picture of who you are. It is then important to respect other persons, be at peace with all and forgive. Judging others is damage to self, and it’s a way to shut yourself down to loving yourself wholly. Usually, we judge others before we even release the circumstances they are in when they act offensively to us. We all live in our own model “worlds” that is understanding and loving beyond circumstances is a favour to self and an act to live in harmony and to live peacefully.
In those spaces and times of feeling all alone, self-love will protect you. It will help you Stay on course and help you understand that your life is bigger than your worst mistakes, your failure, worries and everything else you have been through seen as a challenge. Don’t get broken by the challenge but challenge what so ever it may be, focus and move forward. In as much as we forget what should be; begin and end with love, we must not forget that it begins and ends with you. You decide on what you want your life to look like, or what your future should look like, especially by asking yourself; how badly do I want my peace and happiness? How much do I desire to be free? The more you want it, the more you will work smarter to love yourself and love again and again. You will work yourself out of pain and sorrow by shifting your mindset from negativity to positivity by taking action into the things that bring and sustain joy. So go show the world how you want to be loved by loving yourself first. Be Positive!
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What To Do When No One Showed You How To Have Hot Sex, Love And Closeness. 32 | OneTribeMagazine.com
No one ever told me how to get and keep a marriage or relationship hot, sexy, close and steamy.
stuff actually works, let alone put it into practice that is accessible for humans and busy parents.
When I look down the lineage, I have few examples of that.
See what I mean? And so the solution, is to dive in deep on how you create erotic fiction. And sexual tension so deep it becomes creatively explosive with bliss and deep peace, which as couples and parents, we desperately need for family balance.
And I think it created a lot of problems. Kids not seeing their parents happy, loving and connected. Not seeing their mothers squeezed, kissed and loved up real good.
You both, diving deep on how are you discover the different qualities of both masculine and feminine in yourself and and your partner.
It left a template of struggle and disconnection and no good juicy mojo in the bedroom department. And that really affects the family, especially the children, more than people acknowledge or realize!
And how you bring life to those.
So it’s no surprise most of us, like myself, arrived at adulthood wondering how the hell to maintain hot sex love and closeness.
And cultivate the endless play of possibilities with all the flavors of masculine and feminine, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically, and more.
And play and interact with them.
Wasn’t at all just supposed to work out like the movies had shown us it could be?
With yourself. And each other.
If we were harmonious, cooperative and compatible in all of our non-bedroom activities, shouldn’t it just translate easily into the bedroom?
And the dances you do together. They are infinite, and once you know and embody this in depth....your erotic tension and chemistry can be the endless as well.
If we fight fair, which we eventually learned to do, wouldn’t that keep the sex dirty and hot?
Now THAT is hot!!! And you want it.
And one day, after the millionth detail with the children that we partnered up on, and organizing finances, and arriving at the same places together, feeling we were at peace, but it simply Didn’t… Translate… Into… Hot… Sex… Love… And Closeness… Here we had set all this time aside, kids were away, fresh sheets on the bed and a cool breeze blowing through the bedroom. But while we were so agreeable, and connected, full of cooperation, good enough communication, and great intentions, there was no spark, no flame, no edge. And it hurt and felt gloomy and not what our grand plans had been. You know what I’m talking about… And you rack your brain wondering where you went wrong. And doubt yourself and think what is it about me or him, and why is it not translating in bed. You even start to think maybe you’re not compatible. And that is frightening because you love each other, and you can’t decipher or
NO. You need it. Because truly this life is too short to live without it.
Joanna Intara The Intimacy Genius decode exactly what the problem is.
And I deeply want you to have it because I know how much healing and goodness this brings. What is the first thing you notice inside when you’re reading this? What excites you?
But the problem is that none of that is the real issue.
And if you know you need support with even getting to a space where you CAN do that and find that hot sex, love and closeness that’s disappeared, schedule a call with me (https://freecallwithjoanna. com/).
The real issue is that no one has taught you and most likely your partner either, how to create erotic tension in a way that is creative, playful, and sustainable. Something my husband and I had to learn, and are honestly still learning to grow and expand continuously as the work continues on.
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So you blame yourself or each other. Which is even worse.
I mean, you’ve got to give yourself a break because it’s only in the last 30 to 50 years that we’ve even begun to start studying as humans how this OneTribeMagazine.com | 33
Thinker Want To Be a Positive
3 Things You Really Need To Know!
Robert Landau | Motivational Speaker, Certified Life Coach & Published Author.
Does this sound too far-fetched? It does to many and that’s perfectly understandable. Consider this; Have you ever thought hard or felt strongly about something only to find that very thing eventually manifests in some way, shape or form into your life experience? It happens more than you know.
How do you feel when you hear the words “Positive Thinking?” What kind of reaction does that phrase elicit from you? Few groups of words have created as much of an uproar within various cultures and societies...and it isn’t over yet! There are those that think that Positive Thinking is somewhat of a movement or cult. There are others that think that Positive Thinking is just a bunch of gobbledygook. Still there are others that feel it’s worth its weight in gold since Positive Thinking has done so much to change their lives. Would you believe that one could easily say “yes” to all of the above? How could this be so? Because Positive Thinking is exactly what you think and feel it is... nothing more but certainly nothing less. In other words, if you feel the entire thing is for “the birds”, then it is...for you. If you feel that it could have the potential to really help you and move your life and/ or career to a better place, then it can certainly do that. It’s whatever you feel it’s going to be and if you really think about it, the way to feel about things and what you believe concerning them in general is how they will turn out to be. Whatever you feel and believe about Positive Thinking, here are three things you’ll want to know about this fascinating, often misunderstood topic; 1. You Create Your Reality Consider the possibility that how you think and feel plus what you believe about something, shapes your reality and your experience. Many of us think that behavior does a lot to create beliefs. It’s actually the other way around. Beliefs go far in creating behavior. In other words, our thoughts have everything to do with what we believe and how our lives unfold based on what it is that we believe and 34 | OneTribeMagazine.com
feel. We shape who we are and how we feel about things based on what we believe. If we have a certain set of beliefs that help define who we are, then those beliefs govern our behavior and how we conduct ourselves on a daily basis. If you changed your beliefs about certain things, do you think your behavior would alter as well? Many would choose to answer this question in the affirmative. 2. The Thoughts You Choose to Think Become Things Think about how you feel when something like that is said to you.
A good friend of mine loves to ride her bicycle on many bike paths. She feels that it is great exercise for mind, body and soul. She also has always had a fear that one day, she’s going to take a bad spill while she’s riding her bike. Last Thursday, sure enough...that happened. “It’s totally weird but the fall happened exactly how the fearing part of me had always imagined it would. My initial feeling about the possible event in the future totally manifested! I even bruised my knee in exactly the same place as I thought I would! This entire experience has forced me to take a look at how I think and feel about things in my life. I’m more mindful now about what I put my focus on. I make sure that when I think of something that has a negative vibe associated with it, that I also tell myself that this is not what will happen. I literally cancel the thought statement I had just made to myself and I work to put a positive spin on these type of things...I just don’t want any more bruises on my knees!” 3. Choosing to Think Positive Thoughts Really Works! Positive Thinking can really work for you but you have to believe it will for it to show the results you want in your life. All too often we tend to get attached to the outcome of things. Is there anything wrong with that? Well yes...and no. No, because we’re only human and to want to know how something will turn out is
just a part of our nature. Yes, because if you get stuck on how something might turn out, you could very well be blocking something even better from coming to you. Positive Thinking can work for you but you have to not be attached to the outcome of what it is that you want. Put what you want out there and as you do, think and feel positively about it, but then let it go and fix your mind on something else. Have faith that it will come to you in its own time. If you get out of the way of what you want to come to you after you’ve thought and felt positively about it...you just might be extremely pleased with the results! Always remember that you’ll get exactly what you need and not necessarily what you want. The actual visualization of your goal is crucial as well. When you visualize and feel the joy of where it is you want to be, it has even more of a chance of coming to you. The “feeling” of it is the key here. Feelings attract. Feelings are much more powerful than thoughts. Be sure to hold on to your goal and don’t worry so much about how it will become a reality, just trust that it will. It’s like knowing how a movie will end before you actually get to that part of the film. Now all you have to do is know how things will end and then just let the pieces and scenes of the film fall into place. It’s easy, it’s fun and it’s more than amazing when you get what it was that you were hoping for...if you believe it is. The moral of the story? Choose positive thoughts and watch your life change for the better!
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The formula for success begins with a K.I.S.S. Vanessa Louise Birt | Transformational Mentor & Speaker.
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The beauty of this technique is that you only need to focus on it for 17seconds or more to get the grid moving and if you can focus on it for 68 seconds (17x4), the grid is well on its way to attracting more things that match all the wonderful feelings you’ve planted in your grid.
I’m sure, like me, you have found yourself in a bit of a blue funk in one, some or all areas of your life. A lot of the time we don’t recognise the signs that it’s going downhill until we hit the bottom. How do we pick ourselves up? How de we help ourselves? Do we even know how to help ourselves.
So how do you get started and how does the Grid work?
My learning over the years has been to catch myself before I hit the bottom and latterly my learning has been to prevent myself from beginning the downward descent and how to navigate myself through the ebb and flow of life to remain present to myself and my life.
I picked one area of my life that I wanted to transform. Finding a life partner, someone to love and to love me back. I made a list of all the feelings I wanted to feel by being in a loving relationship and I collected pictures from online that supported those feelings and created an A4 visual.
But I want to take you back to a point in my life where I used the technique I’m going to share with you today.
How the Grid works is by then spending as little as 17 seconds focussing on your Grid of consciously chosen and listed emotions and feelings/visual images and really connecting with feeling those emotions now… in this moment.
It’s 18th January 2017. I had hit ‘that’ place AGAIN. I was tired, unmotivated and fed up with attracting the same experiences and people into my life.
The longer you spend connecting and feeling the emotions and feelings the better. Even if you only have one emotion listed focus on it with all you have.
In particular, MEN. Manipulating and controlling men. I recognised that it was certainly a story I was playing out….A HABIT! I was nearly 43 years of age with a broken marriage I had given my all to in my wake. I have two teenagers,18 and 16 who need me now more than ever and I had nothing left to give. Have you ever said to yourself… “however hard I try, it doesn’t seem to work”? “I’m a kind and generous person who only wants to be happy, it shouldn’t be this hard”? These and many more statements like them were regular conversations I was having with myself before I realised…… something had to change. What was it I actually wanted? Ever since I was a little girl I wanted to share my life with my special someone and raise a family. Well I have my family with my two beautiful kids, Liberty and Jodi, so it was ‘just’ the man I was lacking. I started to really play with the idea of my special someone.
• Mentally Sound • Spiritually connected • Emotionally Expressive I recognised I needed to be the person I wanted to meet. It was ME that needed to change. So now I know I need to be: Physically Strong, Mentally Sound, Spiritually Connected and Emotionally Expressive. So in brief, I sorted out my diet and exercise regimes, I became aware of my thought process and retrained my mind with affirmations, I got firm with myself around mediation and my energy Chi Gung work and I tapped into how I was feeling and did the work on suppressed emotions. But here’s the technique I want to share with you that I believe made all the difference. Because it brought my complicated and busy life…. back to basics. K I S S ~ Keep It Simple Sweetie.
So who did I want to meet? What It’s from the teachings of Abraham Hicks characteristics did he have? What values and it’s called building The GRID. did he live his life by. The GRID is your emotional network that I got very specific and listed all sorts of by focussing on it, it’s the starting point things and then I narrowed it down to: for allowing your desires to manifest • Physically Strong around you.
The beauty of the structure of the Grid is that as you begin to focus and feel the emotions for more than 17 seconds the Universe starts to fill in your Grid for you with more of what you are focussing on and your Grid becomes what you experience and it expands. The key here is feeling and the 17+ seconds but more importantly, CHOOSE positive emotions to focus on. EXERCISE: • Choose one area of your life you would like to see change. EG: love life ~ health and well being ~ career ~ finances ~ home life ~ own mindset • Focus on the feelings you want to feel associated with the success of this one area changing for the better and make a list of them. • Take a Grid https://www. discoveringpeace.com/wp-content/ uploads/2012/04/emotional-grid.pdf begin to fill it in with the emotions and feelings you have listed down. In the beginning as you begin focussing on your positive feelings TRUST is essential, just like when you plant a seed in the ground you trust that as long as you nurture and water it, it will grow. The more you are able to incorporate your Grid into your daily life the quicker you’re reprogramming your old habits into new ways of being that totally support your desires. OneTribeMagazine.com | 37
Being consistent is essential and be as regular as you can to solidify your new habit. In the beginning we are often put off because we don’t ‘see’ the results immediately in our material world we know as reality, BUT I assure you as you allow yourself to really feel the emotions NOW, you will feel calmer and better within yourself. This is the indication that it is working. Feeling good first is what draws your desires to you. I am living proof of that! • Before too long you are feeling your energy levels rise. • You feel more relaxed in general. • You begin to notice you attract other upbeat people and your conversations will begin to change into being more in alignment with your desires. These are all signs you are on the right track. The better you feel…… the more evidence you see. Commit to focussing on your grid daily and as often as you can throughout the day until it becomes a habit to naturally do. 38 | OneTribeMagazine.com
There is the danger that once you recognise your desires coming into fruition, you stop focusing on your grid because you think you are done. It is an ongoing process day in and day out. Once you form a new habit around your grid it will be something you look forward to doing as you appreciate it is the foundation for all manifestation. You will experience ease and flow in your life, which may take some getting used to as it doesn’t feel like you’re putting in the hard work you have been programmed to believe will produce results. I have a challenge for us all. 30 days of focussing on a Grid in one area of our lives. Create an emotional Grid by filing in the Grid, found in the link earlier, with the feelings you want to experience in our chosen area. Add visual images to it if it makes it easier for you to really feel the emotions of you Grid. Focus on it for at least 17 seconds each day as often as we can. With the busy lives we live this simple bite size technique is perfect to start applying into our lives with ease. I would love to know the results you manifest from applying yourself to this technique.
“You have to begin to tell the story of your life as you now want it to be and discontinue the tales of how it has been or how it is” – Abraham Hicks
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Meditation Sandra G. M. Jarvis | The PepTALKs Coach. Author. Speaker.
What do Oprah Winfrey, Russell Simmons, Heather Graham, Madonna, Sting, Ellen DeGeneres, Katy Perry, Nicole Kidman, Lady Gaga, Hugh Jackman, Russell Brand, Naomi Watts, Moby, Paula Abdul, Kimora Lee Simmons, Ben Foster, Dr Oz, Kat Dennings, Shirley MacLaine, Lenny Kravitz, Mick Jagger, Ringo Starr, Clint Eastwood, Burt Reynolds, Gywneth Paltrow, Sir Paul McCartney, Goldie Hawn, George Lucas, Jeff Garlin, Susan Sarandon all have in common? The answer is “Meditation”. According to Dr Deepak Chopra, Author and Medical Doctor, “Meditation is not a way of making your mind quiet. It is a way of entering into the quiet that is 40 | OneTribeMagazine.com
already there - buried under the 50,000 thoughts the average person thinks every day”. There is a saying “True happiness is not out there: true happiness lies within”, and this is where meditation may be the answer to experiencing peace in the midst of life’s storms. When your world is falling apart and you are met with disappointment after disappointment, sometimes it is hard to know your next move when your mind is racing so fast. Living in a fast-paced world can be problematic, especially when you have taken one life knock too many, and things may seem as if they are on top of you, with no sign of relief. These days, more and more individuals, just like the celebrities mentioned above
are doing something completely different, they are engaging in an alternative form of release from the daily pressures of life ─ meditation, the art of contemplation or reflection. With the recent state of the economy across the world, financial challenges, redundancy, unemployment challenges and with work hours increasing, more and more individuals are turning to meditation to help diminish worry and stress. In a nutshell, Meditation is the engagement in mental exercise where you concentrate on your breathing or the repetition of a mantra. More and more individuals are using meditation for the sole purpose of reaching a heightened level of spiritual awareness and as a
tool to cope and manage the increasing stresses of life.
on coping with the demands of work, he says, “I was doing a TV series in which I was the star of the show, the executive producer of the show, the head writer, in charge of casting and editing, for 24 episodes on network television - not cable - for nine years! And I’m just a normal guy. And that was not a normal situation to be in… so I meditated every day. And that’s how I survived the nine years”.
Meditation has many benefits as listed below:• It increases blood flow and slows the heart rate. • Leads to a deeper level of physical relaxation. • Extremely good for people with high blood pressure. • Reduces anxiety attacks by lowering the levels of blood lactate. • Decreases muscle tension. • Helps in chronic diseases like allergies, arthritis etc. • Helps in post-operative healing.
• Increase in the capacity for intimate contact with loved ones.
• Enhances the immune system.
• Decrease in potential mental illness.
• Reduces emotional distress.
• Better, more sociable behaviour.
• Enhances energy, strength and vigour. • Helps with weight loss.
• Helps in quitting smoking, alcohol addiction.
• Drop in cholesterol levels, lowers risk of cardiovascular disease.
• Reduces need and dependency on drugs, pills & pharmaceuticals.
• Improved flow of air to the lungs resulting in easier breathing.
• Require less time to fall asleep, helps cure insomnia.
• Decreases the aging process.
• Decreased tendency to experience restless thinking to worry and provides peace of mind, happiness.
• Cure headaches & migraines • Significant relief from asthma. • Normalizes to your ideal weight. • Relaxes your nervous system’ • Produces lasting beneficial changes in brain electrical activity. • Builds self-confidence. • Increases serotonin level, influences mood and behaviour. • Helps control own thoughts.
• Helps keep things in perspective. • Helps you discover your purpose. • Increased acceptance of oneself and an increased compassion and increased wisdom. • Deeper understanding of yourself and others. • Brings body, mind, spirit in harmony.
• Helps with focus & concentration.
• Creates a deeper relationship with your God.
• Increases creativity.
• Attain enlightenment.
• Improved learning ability and memory.
• Greater inner-directedness and a sense of “Oneness”
• Increased feelings of vitality and rejuvenation. • Mind ages at slower rate. • Easier to remove bad habits. • Develops intuition. • Increased Productivity. • Able to see the larger picture in a given situation. • Helps ignore petty issues. • Increased ability to solve complex problems. • Increased job satisfaction.
Katy Perry has reported that “meditation is the only time my mind gets absolute rest.” Even Hugh Jackman from the X-Men films commented on Oprah’s show, that “with meditation, I can let go of everything. I’m not Hugh Jackman. I’m not a dad. I’m not a husband. I’m just dipping into that powerful source that creates everything. I take a little bath in it.” With the increased daily demands on time, eg. commuting, staying late at work over a period of time can lead to burnout and stress. Jerry Seinfield, Actor of the hit show “Seinfield” gave his thoughts
According to Ellen she says “I practise meditation because it feels good. It is similar to you having to shut your computer down, when it goes crazy, you just shut it down and when you turn it on, it’s okay again”. Actress Liv Tyler said, “Meditation is an incredible way of centring myself, of calming myself, and really getting perspective on where I am”. When life feels as if you cannot cope, perhaps taking up the practice of meditation might be “a life saver”. According to Actor, Ben Foster, “meditation is like hitting the reset button”, perhaps when you hit another life crisis, you will join the practise of meditation like all the above-mentioned celebrities and hit that reset button too. Meditation is also a great tool for connecting with your inner self and within this quiet place you can access your intuitive powers to determine your next best option. The challenge is to understand that your world starts from the inside out and not the other way round, so when you change your thoughts you change your world. Meditation dissolves fear, faulty thinking and grounds you, it enables you to gain clarity around your issues and helps to reframe how you perceive your world. When feeling fearful it is better to meditate to clear your mind so that when you become grounded you can make sounder decisions.
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Sandra G. M. Jarvis
OneTribeMagazine.com | 41
Butterflies LOOKING FOR
This month, inspired by the life of a butterfly, Andy and Larry dialogue on the meaning of life and personal growth.
Andy Ferguson | Midlife Mentor, Teacher & Guide, Linlithgow, Scotland (www.onlyoneintention.com) Larry Rosenberg, PhD | Inspirational Edutainer, The Larry Show, Sedona, Arizona (www.TheLarryShow.com)
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Andy
Larry, I was out walking along a riverbank recently. It was outside of Linlithgow (Scotland), near the B&B you stayed at, those first few nights you visited my hometown, four years ago. Amazingly I’ve lived in this area for nearly 25 years, and covered over 4,000 miles on foot around here, and yet I’d never explored upstream on the River Avon. When I set off walking, I wasn’t concerned about taking photos, as I assumed the countryside wasn’t going to be any different than what I’ve seen and photographed thousands of times before; so I left my camera at home. Still, as the walk progressed, I started to see more and more things I thought might look good as photos for Facebook, Instagram or indeed this Magazine, so I got out my phone. Almost immediately, I became aware of butterflies – lots of them, all posing perfectly. Yet for some reason, I could not get any decent photos of them. Fast forward one hour, when I stopped on a wooden bridge stretching across a wide part of the river, I saw one more butterfly. Suddenly, a thought popped into my head, “This butterfly will live for only a few weeks, yet just because its life doesn’t last very long doesn’t mean it lacks any significance.” While not a new thought, this time, standing still on the bridge and lost in the moment watching the butterfly flirt back and forth across the river, it felt like a body blow.
So, Larry, as all things are perishable – nothing lasts forever – for all our activities, all our busyness, and all our great achievements, these are no more or less significant than the flight of that butterfly, right? In the grand scheme of things, nothing really matters, and yet every little thing does matter, regardless of how small or fleeting it may be. Your thoughts?
Larry
Andy, you made some astute observations, which provide good stimuli for our inquiry. I am reminded of the temporariness of all Creation, over a span of many billions of years, and especially of a human’s life span, being under a century-long for most people. When I lived in Japan, at the springtime, when the cherry trees (sakura) are in full bloom, many people, including me, would reflect on the brevity of their beauty and fragrance. And when being in nature calms the mind, the sight of a single butterfly in all its glory can trigger the same thought about the transience of beauty and life. While focusing on a flower or a butterfly, we can realize how either one can serve as a stand-in for the inevitable and inescapable nature of our life. As nearly every spiritual tradition teaches, focusing on the present– rather than the illusions of the edited past and made-up future – best conveys reality, wisdom and peace. The story of the life cycle
of the butterfly, its metamorphosis from a caterpillar via a cocoon state and to butterfly, and its short life span can provide a clarifying metaphor for the human experience as well. The butterfly’s life is programmed by biological-genetic dynamics. But with the human being’s larger consciousness, the concept of how we choose (or not) to make the transformation from an ordinary life (learning to survive and enjoy a beer), like the caterpillar, to an extraordinary life (awakened, aware and alive), as we observe in the magnificent butterfly.
Andy
Wow, certainly that’s one way of putting it. I’m struggling to get my head around this idea of the present moment that people go on about. To me, absolutely nothing makes any sense unless you see where it came from and where it’s headed next. A butterfly can’t exist without the caterpillar. A great piece of music can only be understood as a flow, from where it started to where it will end. I would argue that this present we talk about is an illusion we seek – because from life’s transience and ephemeral nature comes angst, even a lifethreatening level of stress. I ask you to imagine a picture of me skiing downhill at top speed. This shows me the problem with the present: It’s impossible for me to be in this position unless I’m travelling – in this case, across the terrain and through the air. OneTribeMagazine.com | 43
So come on, Larry, help me out here. I’m saying that it’s the journey, however short or long that turns out to be, that makes our lives what they are. They begin, they end, but the bit in between – this beautiful, challenging, maddeningly difficult to understand journey – is what really counts.
Larry
Again, I shall share my understanding of the wisdom of the world’s great spiritual traditions: All of life is an illusion, and we mean makers. Our consciousness compels us to make sense of our lives and the world. At this level of thinking, there are no absolutes, no truths. We are improvising or accepting what others have said. To maintain our sanity, we make and act upon conclusions about the meaning of life. However, many of us who pursue the benefits of personal growth and transformation in order to elevate the quality of our life resort to asking tough questions and considering new perspectives, as Andy and I have offered in this article. For sure, looking at the process and flow of life is etched in our brain-mind system. The mental construct of the past-presentfuture phases of time is familiar, practical and everywhere. Hey, I have to use it to make sense of my day and life in the world in which I live. But time anchors our beliefs to the ordinary. If we want to achieve higher consciousness and gain its deep and lasting benefits – such as love, joy, peace, confidence, strength, understanding and self-mastery – it is worthwhile to try on and cultivate other ways of seeing reality. Only in this way can we attain the extraordinary. When we look at the butterfly as an exquisite insect and useful metaphor, we can explore what it represents, and let it calm, direct and enrich our lives. For example:
switching to it’s in the now gives us the opportunity to behold and appreciate our life as a series of wonderful insights and experiences. In this context, real personal growth can take root, and genuine transformation can evolve our consciousness and life to where this Magazine’s readers long to be.
Andy
Ah brother Larry, how different we are. Or perhaps we are not: As we are two people who have invested so much of our lives learning to express our thoughts and feelings with ever more clarity, accuracy and nuance. We are separated only by the vocabularies we have available to think in. Raised two decades apart, in different religious traditions and national cultures, and with an ocean between us, are we really just trying to say the same thing?
Whether as a caterpillar or butterfly, the best way to maximize your highest life potential is to live, as much as possible, in the present – to feel it, celebrate it, and discover its purity and significance.
I don’t get this present thing at all. Stillness is absent in the Universe; absolute zero, no energy, no movement is virtually unknown. The present you speak of I might call presence. Presence of mind, being present, an unexplainable awareness of time’s infinite nature. In one moment all moments exist, a heartbeat lasts a lifetime and millennium flashes by in the blink of an eye. When I slow downtime and when I listen, I can hear the heartbeat of the Universe – and it is mine.
As useful and automatic as the timestages construct is to our thinking,
A butterfly lives for so short a time, and yet I live not much longer, given a
No matter how lowly and humble you start out (like a caterpillar), you can end up glorious and soaring (like a butterfly). The process of transformation is available to you, however dramatic, awesome and unexplainable its workings (as in metamorphosis).
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Universe that’s many billions of years old. We are here, and then we are not. But while we are here, we make a difference, we make an accommodation, a pact with the world: We take notice of its existence, and it takes note of ours. I’d like to finish with this thought: Nothing lasts forever – no piece of music, no great artwork, and no one’s life. But that’s not why they exist. Their task is to express something magnificent for a moment, or a lifetime or longer, and then be gone. Now isn’t that simply glorious?
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Words Matter Jennifer Thorp | Author, Photographer and Life Alchemist Everyone enjoys a good story, it’s not age or gender restricted, 5 to 500 to infinity, males and females a like, are natural readers and interpreters of words. As far as good story telling goes, choose your words and set your tone in a way that you would like to hear and do it with conviction.
If life is writing a story day-by-day, minute to moment to electrified pulse that moves us to the next step, then it is by preferable choice to select each word with care. In doing so, you may structure even the very thoughts that become the words you use to write the sentence or song….
Words matter, as does the tone of the speaker if we are talking about the audio version of a story with or without musical accompaniment, it’s not only the delivery of the orator but the quality of the content in the script. I find the very words I speak to myself are received with quicker acceptance when my tone is well tuned. Likewise, I’ve noticed this to be true when I’m conversing openly with others.
That said, each of us has a life book. Living in our very own time is an open invitation to create. Masterpiece or mishap. Litary marvel or flop at the box office. Success depends not only on choice of words and structure that sets a tone but how we punctuate the words we think, write, speak and act upon. When thoughts become things, the words you choose will get you there or if you are trying to share your story to others, good grammar sets the nicest table that becomes a feast fit for a king.
Conversations are a good part of story telling. Sometimes part of telling the story is the replaying a talk we may have had. Those that we have with the exchange of talk with ourselves, and that which we share with fellows, foes, family and friends alike. So as I’m busy writing my own journal, I’m now more mindful of my choice of words I use to tell my story internally first before I open my mouth or write to express scenes from with in or share them in an oral exchange. Starting a story with “once Upon a time” remains one of the best introductions and is enticing to the reader on the provision that the story has a happy ending of course, better still, if the story is about you, what’s not to look forward to telling yourself and those you meet this type of tale as you go about your day…
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What a good way to begin, and end anything…Happy. It’s having a commitment to the positive, and following through as I go my course, even if I have to say something less pleasant or hard, I return to at least find and share the silver lining of cloud (hopefully, an isolated storm). OneTribeMagazine.com | 45
MY STORY Christina Bartlet | Entrepreneur, Film Maker & Producer.
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Christina is an Entrepreneur, Film Maker and Producer whose passion for telling good stories via films or documentary has placed her in excellent and admirable heights among her peers.
Nigeria. On DMD Show I’m planning on starting a competition were viewers will call in when the show is on to answer question to win a prize money and sometimes to win family holidays.
She’s also the producer of one of UK’s celebrated tv shows, Minas Dollz show.
Motherhood... I have two handsome boys. When you are a mother you are never really alone in your thoughts. A mother always has to think twice, once for her children and once for herself. It is the glorious life force. It’s huge and scary as it’s an act of infinite optimism. The responsibility of rearing good, kind, ethical, responsible human beings is the biggest job anyone can embark on. Motherhood is the biggest gamble in the world. All love begins and ends there.
Talking about her journey so far she sheds light on growing up, Nollywood, productions in the UK, her talk show and more. My growing up and childhood dreams... I grew up in Delta State Nigeria. I never really had dreams, because of the way I was brought up. I was too sad to believe in anything I just survived. But I would say my uncle did inspire me, he was a Lawyer to the Delta State Governor at the time. At 30 I began living my dreams with my business, movie production and TV show. My first movie production called “London Fever” got me into Nollywood... Shooting the movie has been a blessing from God and I’m grateful to him. Well, I can say that the message from the movies is all about being honest in whatever one does because it pays a lot in life. “London Fever”, is a funny story of two young men, Ade and Chucks who lives with their lousy father. They have desires to go to London and will stop at nothing to achieve this plan deceiving anyone that cares to listen. The story promises total fun and laughter. The cast and crew... The movie was produced by Mike Godson and directed by Charles Uwagbai. “London Fever” starred Mike Godson, Alexx Ekubo,Toyin Abraham, Juliette Ibrahim, Hafeeze Oyetoro aka Saka, Juliet Ibrahim, Chiwetala Agu, John Okafor aka Mr. Ibu, Etinosa Idemudia , Lilian Eroro , Francis Odega and many more. Life in the U.K... I am profoundly grateful to live in Great Britain. On a more serious note, here follows a list of things that I have experienced when travelling outside of Britain, which don’t happen in the United Kingdom. Barriers to access to modern professional healthcare. Barriers to access schooling. I’ve visited countries where, although schooling is theoretically free, poorer children cannot attend school for economic reasons. In the UK , if a child stops their education before the age of 16 then the authorities will come after the parents.
I see myself as an International Speaker...
Looking at the state of production in the UK and Nigeria... I would start with the fact that the case of production in the UK cannot be compared with that of Nigeria. Rather it should be what can Nigeria learn from the UK movie productions. However, production in Nigeria has developed a lot compared to what it used to be back in the days. Because Nollywood is the second largest movie industry in the world which is quite impressive. Challenges of shooting contents in UK could be difficult in terms of not having a great team to work with. Also in situation whereby unforeseen circumstances might occur, For example a careless act in the studio and also unplanned spending. About my TV Show, Minas Dollz and it’s message. Minas Dollz is a tv show which airs in BEN TV and it provides insight of various issues from successful men and women by discussing how they started, their career, challenges and what knowledge the viewers will be able to get. The core message is to Educate, Encourage, Empower and for women to support women. I started the show to encourage both men and women to enable them to speak up regarding the challenges which they face in life and how they would be able to overcome such challenges.
And that would be in a few years and also as one who will inspire others to BE YOU at all times and teach them to fall inlove with themselves which will allow them to fall in love with the world changing the world through self love. Christina loves life... Once Christina fell in love with Christina, She became unstoppable. She turned her cants into cans and her dreams into plans. Christina is a determined lady who puts efforts in anything she does regardless of the circumstances. She also loves supporting people in any way she can in achieving their dreams which is the major reason her platform is set up. Role Models... My role models are Maya Angelou , Oprah Winfrey, Mo Abudu , Michelle Obama, Timipre Wolo and David Oyedepo. Mentors.. Life mentors me, I observe, I adapt, I learn hourly, daily, weekly. I never stop learning how to love, Live and give better. I practice GRATITUDE daily. I have created a blessed life, which I can teach anybody to do. My philosophy is to always Navigate back to Love & Be You To Full.
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I’m planning a holiday movie production... And that would be in the U.K. and also planning another movie production in OneTribeMagazine.com | 47
Healing your
Inner Children through Your Journaling Journey
Charmaine Barber | Transformational Coach & Writer helping professional women to Live Life Freely
Your Diary is Your Friend when no-one Else will be. Did you ever have a diary when you were younger and wrote down all your adolescent frustrations and problems, anger at your best friend because she stole your boyfriend? Or maybe what you thought at the time, was your unfair treatment by your parents when they forbade you to go to a party or out downtown with your friends to hang out at the local shopping centre? When you wrote, you released all that bad feeling and venom which ran down your pen, through the ink and onto your paper. How therapeutic and good did that feel? This, as far as I know, is the “norm” in a functioning family. 48 | OneTribeMagazine.com
What about if you come from what psychologists call a “dysfunctional” family? Writing may not have been encouraged or even learnt. Could it be it was because you didn’t go to school or you couldn’t be bothered to learn because you rebelled, or you wanted to but were prevented for whatever reason?
endless sad Russian folk songs whilst drinking herself into a stupor because she was reminded of her Russian father who fled over the Caucasus Mountains to Iraq before she was born. A time where he probably endured hunger, was half frozen to death, suffered from starvation and fear of being killed by the advancing enemy or from dying generally. She would poke you and talk to you to see if you were awake and able to receive her rhetorical advances. If you were really lucky, she would stumble out of the caravan door in the middle of the night to stand in her swaying, sweetly sad drunkenness, where she would talk to herself, the cats or the insects flying and crawling around and then bring a juicy little earwig, wriggling like fury to get away and then plop it onto your pillow as you tried to sleep in order to catch the school bus on time which arrived and waited for you at the end of the long straight lane on the main road through the village. Whereupon, you would naturally, jump up screaming and crying out how horrible your mother was and be angry, mystified, frustrated and merely wanting to have a normal mother. Still, for me, that´s not how it was, and I wouldn’t have known what normal was even if someone had told me. Healing Through Writing
Perhaps as in my case, it was because you were half-asleep having been kept up most of the night with a mother sitting in the same bed as you in the tiny touring caravan you all lived in with six cats and your unemployed, cancer riddled and dying father.
Where am heading with all this, you might ask? Well, we started with topic of healing through journaling. It has been scientifically proven that writing heals. By releasing our worries through writing and putting them onto paper, it gives them less power over us. Our worries are made worse by our infinitely worrying lizard or reptile brain, the part which has only been evolving for the last 285 million years and known in scientific terms as the limbic system.
The noisy gaslight had been on all night, along with your mother who sat singing
If you haven´t got a journal to write in or you have never done it, it is never too
late to start one and it doesn’t matter if you can only devote 5 minutes a day to it. Those 5 minutes add up when done dayin, day-out for a year. Having a journal is liberating and healing because it allows freedom of thought and expression, it liberates your inner you, whether good or bad. It allows us to let out all our frustrations, worries, angst, as well as our dreams for the future. Make it personal by either covering it with paper of your choosing, drawing on it or sticking pictures, photos, anything on it as long as it feels like it´s yours. By expressing yourself and your true thoughts in a journal, you will, if you come from an abusive parental controlling childhood or an alcoholic family where chaos reigned and you never knew whether you were coming or going, whether your parents loved you or not, whether you were the parent today or they were, enable yourself to start healing with freedom. No-one needs to read those thoughts and feelings which you keep hidden away under tight lock and key, except you and it is you that is the most important element in all this, you count, more than anything. Writing has many benefits, it clears the unending fog in your head, and it allows you to write down those fleeting, unfettered thoughts which would normally be forgotten in the blink of an eye. It enables you to go back over your writing either immediately or at a later date, when you feel ready to face them full on and start to use them to heal, because healing is never done in one session, rather it takes years of going forwards and backwards, up and down and round or in a zig-zag line. It is never as straight forward as you think or would like it to be so don´t be impatient, it will happen in its own time. We heal bit by bit when we are ready and able to cope with it. By writing those sometimes terrifying thoughts that float and race around in your head, threatening to overwhelm you, you can then use your finger to trace a path over these words in order to release them forever from your psyche, your soul and deepest inner self. I do it often and it truly works for me, and I have written a lot over the years. In the past I didn’t keep a journal, rather I wrote troubled poetry, lyrics for songs and children´s stories. It´s only in the last few years that I started a healing journal, where I asked myself questions, questions I should have asked myself years ago and didn’t because my fear was at an all-time high, and because I didn’t truly recognise that I had more healing to do.
By getting the knot of trouble out of my head and onto paper, it allows me to then forget about it, or I can alternatively look at it and disassociate myself from it. It may come back to me another time and tap me on the shoulder at some point in the future and say, “Hey, Charmaine, you need to deal with me, we have unfinished business,” but that is fine. I can of course ignore it if I want to, at my peril. It will come back again and again until I resolve what the problem is. Because I have already started the first step of dealing with it by putting pen to paper, I know I am healing inside. When we deal with our problems and tangled knots in the future, we know that they are more diluted and not so dangerous any more. So much that they cannot hurt us any more, the way they have in the past because we allowed and gave them permission to show themselves and be dealt with, with love and compassion. When journaling, we are processing past events and by including forgiveness and gratefulness for the lessons we have learnt from ourselves and others we benefit greatly from it. By wielding our pen/pencil as a sword we learn to vanquish the demons of the past by doing battle with them on paper and we allow ourselves to unleash our and their buried power. We strip our memories and the events which we have experienced, of their secrecy and the power they have yielded, or which we have allowed them to yield over us when they are held secret or swept under the carpet through fear. Through writing we gain clarity, focus and energy to rise and be born again. By not going back over things when they raise their ugly heads, we run the risk of trying to bury them too soon, whilst they are still alive and not ready to be buried. Better to navigate the memories when they arise, and to deal with the fear surrounding those often traumatic, awful, nightmarish events because by facing your fears face-on, you rob them of the power they have over you.
and started to believe it, without filtering, deleting or distorting anything because we weren’t able to as we didn’t know any better, Then there´s our Inner Older Child who still believes in the Magic of Life, just, our Inner Adolescent who has started to realise that actually Life isn’t Magic and can be awful, our hormones and feelings in turmoil and on top of that, the insanity of whatever life we are experiencing within our family. Finally, our sensible, logical Inner Adult of today, who moves fluidly between all four or in a haphazard, sometimes tumultuous and dramatic way because it struggles with the way the Inner Children haven’t grown up, or it uses a mixture of all four because healing still needs to take place so that we can become fully integrated. The question is, who is fully integrated in the world? Maybe no-one truly is, there is always somebody out there who has taken some small slight or hurt and grossly blown it out of all proportion taken personal possession of it and then made it “their Drama.” Apart from that, we also have further members of our family who influence us from generations behind us in the family tree and possibly those whom we inadvertently identified with because they played a big role in our family, either from within the family or strangers who became friends. These might be our parents, grandparents, great grandparents or even further back. Each person having their “Family of Four” residing within them. Is it any wonder we struggle with others, with relationships and with ourselves? All we can do is just do the best job we can do for and with ourselves and let everything else go because you are the only person that you can control and that´s hard enough!
Keep up to date with Charmaine Barber
Our Inner Family It is my belief that we have more than one person, our Inner Child inside of us who needs healing, and I am not talking in a schizophrenic way. I see it as us having our Inner Baby who remembers nothing very much of that phase of our life, our Inner Toddler who was the little sponge that soaked up every single word and experience both emotional and physical which was thrown at us OneTribeMagazine.com | 49
The
HALT Phase
Mercy Juma | Creative Writer. Psychologist. Inspired Blogger.
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What happens? What happens when everything that defined you is yanked away? What happens when you realize it was all a lie? What happens when you think you attracted it? We are what we attract, right? But is there a limit to every law? Do laws hold true for all circumstances? What if it is just life? Can pain teach? Can pain be the best thing that ever happens to you? Should we welcome it or run a marathon just to avoid it? Is it possible to always avoid it? Can we be joyful even when going through the deepest of pain? These questions rolled out of me so fast I wondered whether I was going insane. The music boomed through my ears, and my stomach churned with every bit. Bodies swished and swashed around me. Glasses clanked. Bottles toasted. Meat got roasted, and food passed around. I was in a freaking club and looking like a zombie that had just come back to life and was still taking in the shock-like she was from a century before. Woman! This is what people do, right? Had I dressed the part? Hell yes! Pink four-inch gladiator heels, black leather tights that hugged my hips beautifully, a pink vest top hid behind a fitting blue silk coat that was hip-length. My natural black hair braided and held tight in a burn to bring to life the contours on my face, maroon lipstick, black eyeliner and just enough mascara to make my eyes pop! So why in the world did I feel like an outsider looking in? Why was I not gyrating like my soul was on fire or winking flirtatiously at the roguish guy sitting across me and simply sipping on ice water and taking it all in? And my mind? NOT helping at all! Why were the things I had so much pleasure in doing before not give me the spark anymore? What in the heavens was happening? I will tell you what was happening. I was tired of being empty. I was tired of giving fake smiles. Tired of pretending it was all okay. I was tired of running away. Snapshots of food at the expensive café’s and posting them on social media just to let everyone know I was swinging it now made me sick! Pool photos still left me empty? Partying, clubbing, fun, dancing? They all made less sense to me now. It was time to acknowledge the pain inside. The pain I had run from for so long. You see in reality, I was deeply insecure, and I realize I had been like this for the most part of my life since hitting teenage. I did not think I was enough, and maybe
that is why my relationships went down the drain pretty fast. I mean, who could handle the pressure to love someone who did not love herself and always doubted that you did and wanted you to prove it in whatever form? Then came the scare that I was not enough for that person and I tried to change and become the ‘magazine cover’ type of girl that I thought the person I wanted to please would love more only to fall flat on my face!
through the belittling thoughts she had about herself? She had caused what she was experiencing in her life through her thoughts, her words and her deeds and it made her not like the people actually loved. I was digging my own hole and creating my own reality yet sitting back and not liking what I was creating? I was rejecting a part of myself, and it made things even worse because I could never run away from me.
The truth is I hated this person. I did not want her shyness, her lack of confidence, second-guessing herself, sticking to the shadows, showy stomach instead of sexy and curvy, stubby fingers, rushes on my face. I did not feel intelligent like I once was. I did not feel as stunning as I once was. More so I was broke and out of a job, and the list went on and on. I actually felt like a victim, and I was fed up of it! I wanted a change. This was a hellish place, and I had had enough of the pain. I wanted to celebrate life once more.
Why could I not then recreate and make it more of what I wanted? I knew one thing for sure. Thoughts were creative. That was one. The second thing I knew was that what we fear we attract to ourselves and the third thing I knew was that love was all there was and the opposite of love was not really hate but fear. Fear is the source of everything we do not want. In that instant, I came to the conclusion that this was it, I was going to take back my power instead of acting like a victim! I was turning it all around, and at that moment, something clicked right!
The fact that I did not like myself made me dislike others too. People I was close to and at my depth, truly loved but felt secretly jealous of. For example, I did not like the fact that my mother was somewhat submissive, which was a trait I saw in myself, though I was envious of her beauty and grace. I did not like the fact that my father sat and did nothing but order people around and I saw it in myself too especially when I felt too lazy to lift a finger, but I envied it that he was so confident and got what he mostly wanted quite easily. I did not like the fact that I slept too much and since I saw the same in my aunt, I felt I did not like the trait in her even though I coveted the fact that she was so loving and quite a hard worker in taking care of her family. I did not like my uncle’s judgmental attitude but secretly envied it that he was one of the most intelligent people I had ever interacted with. This covetous nature irked me to the core. I was in pain. In short, I hated other people because I saw in them things that reflected my sad life, and I felt jealous where I saw others as being better than me. I also felt guilty that I felt this way because, in my view, it was pathetic! How could I be so judgmental about people that were so close to me? It was killing me. Then it hit me! How could I love another when I did not love this person, this creature that was created in the image and likeness of God? This being that had the power to create yet did not know that in fact, she was creating her own life
It was decided. I was choosing to create myself a new. As the screams and the boozy shouts reached my ear, and my heart pounded to the bits of the music, I felt my mouth form a hard line of determination, and a final decision marked my brows. I was tired of feeling so low! I gulped my water with an air of finality and decided this was it. I was going to start celebrating myself from now! I set my glass down, swang my hips to the dance floor and jumped like a little girl on Christmas and shook my body like I was chasing out all the negative energy and embracing myself anew! I put a smile on my face, mumbled a ‘God help me’ prayer and decided from then on, that that was the end of my misery and I would do whatever it took to make my life better! I had had the power all along, all I needed to do was discipline my thoughts and that, I was determined to do.
Keep up to date with Mercy Juma
OneTribeMagazine.com | 51
If Only You Could
LISTEN Lyn Halvorsen l Creative writer and blogger.
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Yes, we listen to music, podcasts, telephones, and televisions. We have headphones so no one has to hear what we listen to but us. These things all have a place. But the face-to-face act of human listening between people is diminishing with each generation. The world hurries and people have trouble keeping pace, especially our children, even though they can’t always see it. Perhaps we should take some time out occasionally and listen in the oldfashioned way. Ear to ear, heart- to- heart.
This isn’t meant to be a lesson in counselling – drilling down to details and summarising a persons problems - I will leave that to the experts. This is about listening as a friend. Being there in the first instance. Listening is not always about being there to offer tea and sympathy. There are other ways to listen; small things like catching someone’s name and remembering it when introduced to them for the first time. Making an effort to pick up on the little things. Kindly exchanges with the street sellers and shopkeepers. Allowing each and every person from diverse cultures to have a voice and speak their truth. Listening with a kind heart.
‘To be kind is more important than to be right. Many times what people need is not a brilliant mind that speaks up but a special heart that listens.’ F.Scott Fitzgerald These days it is hard to be heard by others or, in turn, to listen when someone is trying to articulate their problem. Often we have our own agenda and the need to ‘fix’ things without really getting to the root of what is bothering us or someone near to us. How many times do we find ourselves glazing over when someone recounts their story to us and how many times do we feel the need to jump in with answers or ‘yes I knows’ before someone has finished speaking? The art of listening really means just that. Listening. Taking time to really focus on the person talking to us and engaging. Listening is one of the most important skills we can have so how can we become better listeners? For me, I try to remove distractions; it is hard to concentrate with the television on for instance, or the laptop whirring. I put away what I am doing if possible, or, if it is difficult to talk because of circumstances, I suggest a time and space where we can soon talk properly.
How loved do you feel when someone takes the time to listen to you? It makes you feel good. It provides you with a support system and it creates bonds of friendship that can strengthen over time.
Put yourself in the other persons shoes. Really try to imagine how you would feel in their situation. True communication happens when people understand each other. Try to find common ground but at the same time don’t say you know how they feel. You don’t, but you are trying to see things from their point of view. Don’t just listen. Really hear. Develop your sense of interpreting sound as a way of understanding people – tone of voice can indicate whether someone is joyful or depressed, angry or scared.
Most importantly, be warm. Good body language and being focused means good communication in a non-verbal way.
There is a need to be honest if someone is going through a hard time, and the truth as you see it put forward in a kind and gentle way can be helpful. Be thoughtful though; it is natural to try to put forward solutions when you want to help, but often talking things through with an understanding person who cares can lead a person to find their own answers.
Try not to appear self-conscious. This may sound silly but sometimes it is hard to concentrate if you aren’t happy with your appearance for instance, or if you feel a little daunted by the other person. It’s good to remember that if someone is pouring out their thoughts to you they aren’t likely to be judging you at the same time. Endeavour to put your own insecurities to one side…(we all have them however wise we may feel).
If you are listening to a loved one it is hard not to judge at times, but it is important not to. Often it is easier for people to discuss their worries with strangers rather than people they don’t know well – then any shared history doesn’t play a part. If you are listening to a loved one and they are saying something you may not wish to hear it can be difficult, and that is the time to remind yourself how much you love them.
Sometimes it is easier to talk outdoors; deep conversations can seem easier in the park or sitting under a tree!
Not everyone needs a therapist. Sometimes a friendly listener can help put cares and woes into perspective. Quite often the best thing about an exchange between two people is just that. The exchange. There is not necessarily any pressure to find a solution. The exchange of ideas and the experience of being ‘heard’ can be completely satisfying in itself. ‘The greatest gift you can offer to another person is your attention.’ Thich Nhat Hanh. ‘A good listener will listen not only to what is being said, but also to what is left unsaid.’ Anon Resolve each day to take time to listen to someone. It can change their lives and change your own.
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Lyn Halvorsen
OneTribeMagazine.com | 53
Happy I was scared to be
Samantha Caroline LavallĂŠe | Writer & Lover of all things soul at Beautiful Disaster.
54 | OneTribeMagazine.com
A fear I realized later in life that was based on loosing my happiness at the cost of more borrowed misery would be the inevitable... you know the saying; “waiting for the other shoe to drop�...
Don’t be a puppet dancing to the strings of the imposed tunes by the sleepy heads “leading� society, and don’t you dare feel an ounce of shame if you fall pray to the misery of the times, as the burdens can too bless you, but in all honesty, not before they burn you... this is truth, no matter the wrong, and remember that happiness too lives in being honest even if it’s shitty.
I did that. For a long time. I created that self imprisonment, out of my need to protect what I craved and feared most...what I wanted to never reach me fully I was grasping at in fits and burst of momentary hope...
Open your pretty little eyes with your loving heart and allow your happiness to be the expressions expressed by you, through you, for you by living through the fullness of your magnificent greatness in all your wholeness. That’s both grit and grace my darlings—all inclusive, and unconditionally all of you.
Eventually, I got really damn tired of fighting against that of which I was fighting for. It’s exhausting, especially when unaware of one’s own patterns. For years I thought I was wrestling away my very own misery. And this by evading the pitfalls as well as trying to, with a gluttonous appetite might I add, because I was quite the pro at keeping my self fulfilling prophecy of punishment alive as I would temporarily try to eradicate the feelings of feeling miserable. All the while, I honestly failed miserably at my attempts, pun intended. I never knew when to call it quits...even when it was quitting time for one’s own good! I now realize that my futile struggle was not to dissolve my hurt or heal my pain but a tactical play where I avoided my happiness by focusing on my hurts with a vigour that kept side stepping me paying any attention to my happy state. In truth, my happiness was always there, lurking in the shadows, just like the plague, where I felt my own inner mocking bird signing like a damn canary...infuriating it was...it was invasive because my happy was fighting for its chance to happen, to be seen, at the very lease to be allowed, and to be welcomed. The misaligned discomfort was not for punishment, but for reinforcement of what was beckoning me to listen to what was whaling inside of me. A plea to be set free. The passionate pursuit of my purpose driven cause towards my peace was nothing more and never anything less than my ordinary but yet always a lavishly extraordinary state of innate happiness. All of which too is ever changing, as I too am forever evolving into more of me as I discover and play with the potent pure potential of the happy me that dwells not in ignorance to the real distaste of misery but in no longer sufficing in tolerating
Happiness is a choice. Your choice, and you are your choices. an unhappy me with the melancholic discord of indifference towards the happiest version of happiness that is happy to simply be set free, to be fully and uniquely me. Today I understand intimately why happiness would feel like the ultimate risk one can let take root, can let be, can let in, can let take over and blossom... If all we ever did was strive to follow through with what feels like happy to us then we can never be lost, thus we’re always finding ourselves when we let go of the notion of lost as the normal standard way to being found...
However keep in mind and take to heart that happiness may change its look and feel and textures throughout the span of your glorious, then inglorious and glorious again lifetime, but it’s meant to be so, as for not, there would be no true happiness ever sustainable in a state of repetitiveness. Happy is meant to shift gears, grind a little, stall out and kick start again in order to remain true to its nature, as you grow into your happier happiest of your happy’s potentialities. CHOOSE your happy. LEARN your happy.
Never was our happiness lost, rather misunderstood and uninspired to the myriad of despairs that serves as a distraction tactic to take away the focus of what truly matters, HAPPINESS!
ALLOW your happiness a chance.
Happiness is a state of ever changing and a forever evolving way of being that dares to courageously express the desires to live the dream rather than observe the fantasy of the illusive illusions that can only be that, an illusion if we believe it to be nothing more than a pipe dream.
Just be true to what feels good and better to you from within as without my Loves.
Let your happiness unfold and transform as you do, however that looks and feels to you.
Give your happiness a chance to shine so you can radiate with more joyful aliveness without care or fear. You deserve your happyđ&#x;’›
Happy is a possibility, one that is activated if we choose to believe it to be possible. Maybe, just maybe we’ve been looking in the wrong direction that has saturated our view with extensive extended external conditioning that serves to keep the flames of passion dormant for fear of happy dismantling a society that’s in a disarray of horrendous dismay from the way of pretending at living...
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Samantha Caroline LavallĂŠe
OneTribeMagazine.com | 55
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Living POSITIVELY Growing Up in one of the rural areas of Zambia Africa. Winnie Mabena was born with the odds set against her. Born into a culture where the society doesn’t see the value in a girls life seemed unbearable. Determined to defy the odds she was born into Winnie begins the journey determined to succeed. Suddenly her life takes a drastic near death turn. Life as she knew it would never be the same. Will Winnie choose to thrive once more or will it be too much to bare and easier to choose death?
by
Winnie Mabena
Winnie Mabena is an International Speaker, Author, Trainer, Civil registrar and Founder of The Knowledge Effect, a nonprofit company that is working to empower communities by promoting literacy. Winnie is currently serving as Board Chairperson for Young Women in Action and for nearly three years she volunteered with Plan as a National Representative for the Youth Advisory Panel for Plan International Zambia. She has participated in various local and international consultation processes especially on ending child marriage and promoting girls rights. Her tenacity to improve lives is unrelenting thus she uses her life experience so far “ her journey as a girl and living positively” to empower and transform young women like her with knowledge on various issues including promoting education, Surviving HIV/AIDS, ending child marriage, mentorship, living a rural community, and literacy. Winnie envisions a world where people are fully empowered with knowledge to live above social problems through promoting literacy.
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Her favorite quote goes by Nelly Ray “I know what giving up looks like, I want to see what happens if I don’t give up”. Her dream is to grow into a voice for the voiceless at a global level. To get to her dream Winnie keeps investing in her education and she currently pursuing her professional course in teaching methodology. She holds a Bachelor of Arts Double Major Degree in Library and Information Science and Public Administration alongside a Diploma in Management Studies from the University of Zambia.
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